Page 33 of Playing A Risk
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“How would you like to feel?”
“Happy. Loved. Complete.” I’m unsure if they’re separate or all go together. Although, I have no idea how I can feel all of those at once.
“Let’s explore each of those emotions separately. For you to be happy, what would you like to see happen?” Samantha stares through the screen with limited expression.
I sink into her question. “If I were happy right now, I’d be clear on what to do. I’d know what to say to Jami and have all my questions answered.”
“What questions do you need answered?”
I cough a wet cry. “Why didn’t Jami tell me about his son and his…whatever she is?”
“Talk about that, Dori.”
“I can’t understand why he would want to keep that from me. He said he loved me, yet he didn’t want me to know about his son. Why? Does he think I would hurt him somehow?”
“Hurt who?”
A tinge of frustration creeps into my chest. “The baby. Did Jami think I would somehow hurt his son? It’s the only thing I can come up with.”
“Let’s say that’s true. Why would Jami have a fear you’d harm his son in some way?”
And that question shreds my soul. “Jami knows how I was raised. He’s seen how I handle my life. He and Aiden say I’m reckless. And maybe I am.”
“How so?”
I release an exasperated sigh. “For one, I fell in love with my boss when my contract clearly stated I wasn’t to date anyone within Efron Worldwide.”
Samantha peeks at her notes. “Why did you think that rule didn’t apply to you?”
“I knew it applied. But I didn’t think our relationship would last. I didn’t expect to catch feelings for him.”
“Why is that?”
“Because…” I gaze out the window at the falling snow.
I don’t have an answer. It just happened. But why did I expect things with Hunter not to last?
“Dori, think back to when you and Hunter got involved. What was going on with you?”
I see where she’s going and cry some more. “Jami had left me in a restaurant alone. He ran out on me with no explanation. Then I saw him at a club the same night, surrounded by beautiful women.”
Samantha tilts her head. “Jami has a history of not communicating with you. Is it possible that the reason he didn’t tell you about his son has nothing to do with you harming his child?”
I stand and meander to the fireplace. The motion-detected camera follows my movements and continues to record me.
“I’m not sure what Jami’s reason was, but I’ve hurt him before.”
“How?”
“I lost our baby, so maybe… He knew I had miscarried before and he kept bringing up the past. It was like he didn’t want me to forget. He kept telling me he would be there if I needed someone to lean on.
“But maybe he was trying to tell me that… I don’t know why he wanted me to remember that, but when I got pregnant with his child, he watched me like a hawk whenever he could—like he didn’t trust me.”
“Why do you think he didn’t trust you?” She glances at her notebook, and then her eyes fix on me.
“He saw me drinking wine a couple of times. He would get angry with me about it, but I wasn’t trying to hurt myself or the baby. I just thought a glass or two wouldn’t hurt. Maybe it did, though, so Jami had every reason not to trust me.” I swipe away the rapidly falling tears.
