Page 34 of Playing A Risk
“Ectopic pregnancies aren’t caused by drinking wine. You understand that, don’t you?”
I crumble into the chair near the fireplace and weep into my hands. This conversation sucks and I don’t see how it’s helping me figure out my current issues.
Frustrated, I grumble to myself, stand, and march back to the screen. “From what I understand, nobody knows what causes ectopic pregnancies. So who knows if drinking wine caused it or not? But that’s not what I need help with right now.”
Samantha holds my gaze. “Dori, it’s all related. We’ve been talking about your miscarriages for a few months. You’ve gone from breaking up with Hunter because he didn’t want kids to breaking up with Jami because he does.”
“I did not break up with Jami because he wants kids. I cut ties with him because he has a son. There’s a big difference.”
She nods once. “I thought you were taking this time apart from him because you needed clarity on how you feel about him hiding such a critical piece of information from you. So let’s get back to your last statement. How does Jami’s son play into your issues with him?”
I clench my teeth and glare at her. Anger swirls in my chest. I want to fucking scream at her. I release a growl and pace.
How does a therapist not see how Jami’s son plays into all this?
“To make it clear, Samantha, the last time I broke up with Hunter, it was because of work. Him not wanting kids didn’t matter anymore because I didn’t either. It was only because of work.”
“And why don’t you want to have children anymore?”
Oh, good God, she’s driving me up the wall today.
“This session isn’t about that. I need help figuring out how to deal with seeing Jami again. What am I supposed to say? And how will I explain I’ve been staying with Hunter?”
“Why does it matter where you’re staying?”
I spin to face the camera. “Because it will kill Jami to know I’ve been letting Hunter comfort me.”
Her expression softens. “How do you feel about Hunter helping you through this difficult time?”
Finally, we’re talking about my immediate issues.
“I appreciate it. He’s been wonderful.” I sit in his desk chair and relax into that thought.
“In what ways?”
“He’s shown me support. He’s been asking about my feelings and been understanding of things that would normally send him into a rage. It’s funny. For some unknown reason, I never trusted he’d get into therapy. But he’s been going for a while and I think it’s helping.”
“That’s great for him, but how does it affect you?”
“He’s showing me a new side of himself. It’s hard at times. Like last night, he told me he brought a woman home with him a while back.”
I glance off to the side. “She’s claiming things happened, but he swears he doesn’t think that is possible. He said he didn’t want to lie or manipulate me, so he thought it should come from him. He never would’ve come clean about that before.”
“And how did that make you feel?”
I bring my attention back to her. “Hurt, but at the same time, I appreciated he didn’t hide it. Finding out from someone else would’ve been a thousand times worse.”
“What made you appreciate him telling you?” She scribbles something in her notebook.
“Because he trusted me to handle something difficult. He gave me the power to choose how I want to deal with it. Secrets get everything twisted.”
There’s a knock on the door, so I turn around. Melanie peeks her head in and waves. I hold up one finger and face the screen.
Samantha and I stop our discussion and set up the next session as Melanie checks out Hunter’s office. When I stand, Melanie barrels into me for a hug I didn’t know I needed.
“How are you hanging in there?” She pulls away and gives me a sympathetic smile.
“I’m doing better than yesterday.” I gesture to the door. “Let’s give Hunter access to his office. We can go to my room instead.”
