Page 10 of Playing With Secrets
Jami being on a dating app, has a possessive hand reaching up and squeezing my heart.
How can I get that app erased from his phone?
“How do you know Jami’s on a dating app?”
“We were talking about it the other day.” She peeks back at me. “Don’t try to skirt the issue by getting me sidetracked. I want to know where you stand with him.”
I toss my bag over my shoulder. “Hunter isn’t on board with me exploring a relationship with Jami in a romantic sense. He believes I’m trying to rebuild our friendship.”
“And what do you think?” She grabs her purse off the desk.
“I’m not with either of them and have feelings for them both. It doesn’t put me in a very good place. A million things are on my mind and I feel like crap. So, I’m only thinking about getting home and relaxing on my couch.”
“One day at a time is probably best.”
I stroll toward the door, wishing this colossal screwup would combust and disappear. She leaves my office, playing with her jet-black hair.
I shut off the lights and close the door behind me. “I’ll deal with everything after my appointment tomorrow. Until then, I don’t want to think about Jami or Hunter.”
“What time am I picking you up?” She glances at me as we walk to the elevator.
“Since Jonah and Hunter are out of the office this week, I’m working from home tomorrow. That means we need to leave my place by one.”
“Sounds perfect. If it helps, you seem to be doing better.” She points to my stomach. “How are the pains you were having?”
I dread answering this question. There’s no way she won’t keep pressing me for information.
I pretend to check the contents in my bag to avoid her eyes while we wait for the elevator doors to open. “They’re still there. It’s probably nothing.”
“And the nausea?”
“Still there, but I’m able to power through.”
“Dori, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what’s wrong with you.” Mel uses a gentle tone as she confronts me. “Have you taken a test?”
“Not you too.” My shoulders slump and I shake my head in frustration. “I’m not taking one.”
“Why? You’ll have your answer.” She places her hands on my shoulders and peers into my eyes. “You can’t run from this.”
“I’m not running. I’m waiting until a professional can tell me what’s going on. Not some stick that can produce a false reading. No, I’m not taking that risk.” I lower my head and stew in a thousand different emotions.
They run a relay race around my body. There are so many I can’t hook on to just one. I’m in a cesspool of dirty, grimy, deranged thoughts and emotions.
I can’t believe I’m dealing with this heaviness. It’s suffocating me and I only have myself to blame.
“Mel, I know you’re trying to help, but I don’t want to have any doubt. I want to speak to someone with a medical background. Can’t you understand that?”
“Okay, sweet pea. Don’t take the test. It’s just that I’ve never been through anything like this, so I’m thinking of ways to relieve your stress.”
“Thank you, but taking a test at home would be worse.”
“Why?”
“Because I have a lot of questions I want answered before I take a test. I would have no one to discuss those with, and that would take me out of my mind with worry.”
“I don’t want you to worry anymore, so I understand why you want to hold off. You’ll find out tomorrow anyway.” She squeezes my shoulders and steps away.
Two seconds later, I’m bawling in her arms. “I’m so confused and scared. What if something is wrong with me?”
