Page 29 of Playing With Secrets
I dip my head to find her eyes. “You have my full attention. What happened that has you wanting to give up on having children?”
“Fair question.” She peeks up and slightly nods. “You know I miscarried before.”
She takes a breath and stills herself. This sensitive subject has ended with her leaving me more than once, so I’m walking a tightrope right now. I reach for her hands and take them in mine.
I run my thumbs over the top of her knuckles. “Go on.”
She swallows and drops her gaze. “Having endometriosis means there’s a higher risk for miscarriage.”
“I know you would worry about that, but I know nothing about women's issues. I’ve avoided them most of my life. Can you help me understand what this all means?”
“I don’t want to go through another loss like that ever again.” She pushes off the couch and mopes toward the window. Her hand slides over her mouth as she sucks in a sob. “I can’t do it, Hunter. I don’t think I want kids anymore.”
This is such a sudden shift that I’m sure I got out of my car in the wrong universe. I try to piece it together, and it’s not adding up. I go through everything she’s said since I got here when she interrupts my thoughts and lands with the answer.
“When I went to the doctor today, they did a bunch of tests. After that, the doctor told me I’ll be high risk if I everget pregnant. I don’t want to be pregnant and worried every day that something bad is going to happen.”
“That’s not something I would want for you either.”
“I realized that if I go down that path, there won’t be a day I’m not terrified I’ll lose it. I can’t function like that. And let’s just say I’m lucky enough to get the limited chance I have of getting pregnant.”
She spins to me. “I’ll have to carry it to full-term and give birth. If I’m lucky to make it through that part, I’ll have to raise it and keep it alive. I’m a nervous wreck just thinking about it. Can you imagine what I’d be like if it were real?”
Fearing this is a trap, I remain where I am. “I think you’re stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for.”
“No, I’m not. You don’t get it. I’m ruining everything by hanging on to that hope.”
She rushes to a picture on her fireplace mantel and picks it up. It’s one of her and her family.
“Dorothy—”
“They had kids and I’m not sure they wanted us. I think we were pawns in their war. I won’t be like them. Aiden disagrees, but our relationship can work if I don’t bring children into it.”
It starts to make sense. She must have had a major blowout with her brother about us being together.
Add Jamison cutting ties and picking up the pieces by taking out women from a dating app, and Dorothy’s an emotional wreck. Her doctor’s appointment must have been the final straw, causing her to hit rock bottom.
My heart hurts for her, so I do what I’ve longed to do for over a month. I rise to my feet and pad toward her. I take her in my arms and lean down, pressing my lips against hers.
She waits a millisecond before she opens her mouth, welcoming me in for a meaningful kiss for the first time in a long time. Relief floods my body.
She needs me and is finally seeing how it can workbetween the two of us. A surge of excitement zooms through my body as our tongues frantically work around each other.
I thread my fingers into her hair as she throws her arms around my neck. She leans into me, pressing her hips into me like she can’t hold back anymore. I know her body. She finally wants to welcome me back into her bed.
I pull away with my eyes smoldering into hers. “Beauty, let me make love to you. Let me fill you with my love until you know with all your heart that I’m yours and you’re mine. It’s what we both want.”
Her eyes have me captured as they flicker with need. I’ll do anything to make her feel better. I lean down and cradle her in my arms. Our lips meet as I carry her to her bed. I lay her down and tear off my shirt.
She gets on her knees and pulls her sweater off. We race to undress until we’re skin to skin, rolling around on her little bed. For once, I don’t curse it because it’s keeping us close.
We pant between our kisses as our bodies rub against each other. She reaches between my legs and strokes me perfectly. It’s been so long since I’ve been with her, I’m afraid I won’t last.
It takes all my might to pull away. “Do you have condoms here?”
When she realizes what we’re about to do, she flinches like she’s being splattered by hot oil. She pulls in a deep breath as her eyelids flutter.
She twists off the bed, scared and shaking. “I’m so sorry, Hunter. I just remembered I can’t do this.”
