Page 32 of Playing With Secrets
“This is different. I’m going to cuddle you and take care of you all night. Besides, I’ve come to appreciate us sleeping next to each other without doing anything else.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I never would’ve believed you if you told me I would feel this way, but it’s true. I like having you by my side.” He nudges my leg, telling me to go to get up.
“I don’t feel well at all and that walk over there looks very difficult.” I sink back onto the couch, trying not to face why I’m feeling terrible.
“In that case.” He leans down, picks me up, and carries me to bed.
“Thanks. Will you please put the trash can next to my nightstand, just in case?”
While I fluff my pillow and fix it the way I like it, he goes to the bathroom to get the trash can.
He hollers back to me. “You know I’m willing to help, but shouldn’t you be feeling better since you started the antibiotic?”
“Yes, but they said the medicine can cause stomach upset. I think I’m emotionally drained, so everything is hitting me harder.” It’s the best excuse I can come up with on the fly.
“Did you eat anything for dinner?” He comes back into the room and prepares it according to my specifications.
“No, but I’m not hungry.” I pull the covers up, giving him an unmistakable message that I’m not going to eat.
He studies me for a moment before he strips down to his boxer briefs and slips into bed with me. Once everything is to his liking, he reaches up to the light that sits on the table next to him. There’s a click, and the room goes dark.
“Come and sleep with your head on my chest like you usually do. I’ll make sure you’re good and rested in themorning.” He moves his arm over my head and makes room for me to snuggle.
“That sounds nice.” I scoot and lay my head on him. “Would you mind if I work from home tomorrow? I think I’ll be?—”
“You’re staying home tomorrow, and work can wait. I’ll figure out what we need to continue going forward. You need to get better, and that’s a direct order from your boss.”
“Thanks. I promise I’ll make it up to the team as soon as I’m at full strength.” My insides pulse with guilt.
“I know you will. Since your brother got hurt, you’ve been going on fumes. It was bound to catch up with you.”
“Thank you for understanding. I know I’ve not been myself, but I promise things will change once I’m back to normal.”
“I know, and I’ll wait as long as you need. I love you, which means I’ll love you for the rest of my life.” He squeezes me tight. “Now go to sleep, my beauty. I want you to feel better as soon as you can. That means rest.”
Rest won’t cure me. Only ignoring my heartbreak will get me through the emotional sickness I have flowing through my veins. I suck in a breath and hold back my pain.
We fall asleep shortly thereafter. My night is restless and I’m in pain for most of it. I get up to get sick at one point, but nothing comes out. It only makes matters worse when I notice blood in my underwear.
“Nice fucking reminder,” I mutter as I dig in a bag.
Jami picked up everything I would need, including a box of pads. I haven’t worn pads since my first miscarriage.
Agony shoots through my chest. With both my middle fingers, I flip the container off as if it’s a living creature. When it doesn’t strike me back, I take the item and return to the bathroom.
A couple of tears fall when I can’t get away from my thoughts about earlier today. Ripping the paper away from thesanitary napkin so it’ll stick to my clothes makes it all so real. I press it to my pants and stare at it.
Right now, it’s clean and white. Pure of anything rotten, rusted, corroded, and so poisonous it could’ve killed me. The thing that buried my relationship with Jami.
But that won’t last. As soon as I stand and go back to bed, the proof of its existence will be there, forcing me to acknowledge it. Until then, I’ll pretend it didn’t happen.
It’s the only way I’ll make it through this misery. I leave the bathroom and slide back in between the sheets.
“Is everything okay? I heard you cursing at a box.” Hunter rolls to his side and pulls me into him as I turn my back so I’m pressed against his chest.
My tortured heart tries to bite me, but I ignore it by taking Hunter’s hand and tucking it around me. “It’s fine. It’s just that on top of everything, I started my period.”
