Page 54 of Playing With Secrets
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what’s going on with you? You’re talking about us like we’re having a casual fling.” He dips his head to find my gaze.
I turn to him and brace myself. “I’ve already told you I’m not ready to be serious. We talk about the future, but it’s still unclear to me.”
“What part is unclear?”
“I told you the other day. I’m not ready to be ‘official’ just yet. Yes, we’ve talked about the kid issue and the clause, but we still have a lot to learn about each other. Last night out with Mel opened my eyes to that.”
“Who all were you out with last night?” His voice rings out with warning as his cheeks turn red.
He’s about to lose his temper. I can see it in his eyes. I step away to give us some space.
“Why are you avoiding the question?” he growls, with fire in his eyes.
I glare. “Do not look at me like that.”
He takes a deep breath as he turns his head. He regains his composure. “I’m sorry. It’s just that when you pull away from me, something inside me gets flipped. I panic and get mad.”
“See, right there is what I’m talking about.”
“What? What did I say that was wrong?”
I relax my posture. “You didn’t say anything wrong. I’m not even mad at you. I don’t like that you got upset, but I’m trying to have a conversation. Not fight with you.”
“Good. I don’t want to fight with you either.” He glances at his suitcase. “If you don’t want our relationship to be serious, I’m going to need some parameters to work with. Andso you know, this is worse than holding me at arm's length. At least then, we were sharing a bed.”
“Hunter, please try to understand.”
He stares into my eyes. “I’m trying to trust you again, but I’m not there yet. Not being with you that way makes me wonder why you don’t want to have sex with me.”
“That’s a good start. I don’t expect you to hand your trust over to me.”
“I wouldn’t think you would.”
“We weren’t together when that happened between Jami and me, but I get why you’re skittish about me going out when we aren’t sleeping together.” I take Hunter’s hand and lead him to the bed. “Sit, and let’s talk.”
“Since you’re better at this stuff, you start.” He shoves his suitcase to the other side and makes room for both of us.
“Fair enough.” I crawl to the center of the mattress and sit cross-legged. “Whenever you get scared about me leaving or needing space from you, you panic and get mad. That isn’t a normal reaction. Where does it come from?”
“I don’t like it when you walk out on me.” He remains standing with his hands on his hips.
“I get that. Why?”
He lowers his head, and his eyes dart around the floor. He swallows hard. “I don’t want to talk about that. It makes no difference.”
“But it does. People who are in a committed relationship share their innermost thoughts.”
“I don’t see why that’s necessary.” He turns his back to me. “Why focus on the past when the future is all that matters?”
“Does that mean you act that way because of something that happened to you?”
“I told you I don’t want to discuss that.” He storms out of the room.
A part of me wants to chase him and lay into him for doing the same thing he hates me doing, but whatever isbothering him seems to bring on some kind of rage. I decide it’s better to give him a minute to calm down.
I get up and meander to the window. If Hunter and I can get through this discussion, I’ll have a better idea of how I want to go forward. My thoughts bounce from him to Jami. I’ve never been torn like I am now.
