Page 136 of The Surrender
Jude’s nostrils flare, a familiar shade of angry reaching his eyes. “I needed time to explain to you.”
I’m doing it again. Hanging around to feel more stupid. No. I hurry into Arlington Hall, Jude tailing me. Anouska looks like she might pass out with stress as she guides some guests into the Library Bar, away from all the noise, her phone at her ear. “Just keep any guests at the gates for now,” she says. “We have a little situation.”
Me. I’m the situation. “Can I have my keys?” I ask in a rush. I’ll happily leave right now.
“Amelia,” Jude pleads softly.
His hand meets my elbow, and I roll it to remove his touch. “Anouska, please,” I beg as her eyes bat between us. She eventually dips into her trouser pocket and pulls out the fob, probably concluding that me leaving will take the noise and commotion with me. “Thank you.” I turn on my heels and walk straight back out, noticing that staff and guests are all hovering, observing, listening.
“Amelia, for fuck’s sake, please, will you just stop?” Jude grabs my arm when I’m halfway down the row of cars, and I halt, inflating my lungs as he moves around me. I keep my eyes low.
Frozen.
Still in conflict.
Tell him. Don’t.
Hate him. Don’t.
“I love you.” His words are so gentle. But they slam into me like a wrecking ball. It’s a trigger.Love?
“I’m over you,” I say, cool, braving looking at him. His anguish is potent, but I don’t believe that either.
“Really?” he asks in disbelief. “You don’t love me?”
“You’ve ruined my fucking life!” I let it all spill out of me. “You and your sick vendetta. Why me? You could have physically hurt Nick. Broken his nose, ruined his career, but instead you took me and made a joke out of me!”
“I don’t regret it,” he murmurs. “I don’t regret a thing. Because I found you. I was going to tell you, Amelia. I wanted to take you away and explain.”
“So that’s why you were so desperate to whisk me away?” He wanted to appease me before someone else told me? “I can’t be with you. Everything I thought we had was shat all over by your fucking lies. It means nothing anymore.Youmean nothing. It was a fucking joke, Jude.”
“A joke? Do you think I always tell women I love them for the fun of it?”
“You don’t love me.” I try to shout the words, but they end up croaky and pathetic.
“I do. I love you so fucking hard.” He drops to his knees before me.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m begging you not to walk away.”
“Jude, get up,” I demand, hating the sight of him like this. On his knees. Submissive. Weak. Dipping, I reach for his forearms, trying to get him up. Mistake. Our skin touches, and everything around me tunnels into nothing but him. Us. How fucking amazing it was. The sex, the conversations, the feelings.But it was a lie.I’m in a world where I don’t know what’s real anymore.
“I love you,” he says, pulling me down to my knees before him, swapping his hold of my hands for my face, getting closer, nose to nose. Tears fall, and I can’t stop them. My barriers are being battered down. He kisses me, gently but desperate, swallowing my sobs. “I love you,” he whispers across my mouth. “I love you, Amelia. I’ll keep saying it until you believe me. I fucking love you.”
I start to shake my head, the words refusing to leave me. I can’t be with him. I will never trust him. I’ll always question what the truth is. I can’t live like that. And I can’t forgive him for doing this to me.
Jude retreats and watches me pull his hands away from my face. “It’s over,” I whisper calmly.
“You promised me,” he murmurs. “You promised you’ll always listen to me when I talk. When I’m in front of you.” He holds his hand out. “Take my hand when I give it to you. I’m in front of you now, Amelia. Begging you. Take my hand,please.”
I move back, and his hand drops. “That was before I knew who you were.” A liar. A deceptive, heartless bastard.
“No.”
I get up and walk away, everything hurting. I can’t see properly; my legs are jelly.
“I won’t let you go,” he says, landing in front of me.
