Page 16 of The Surrender
“Wait? For what?” He’s dazed, confused.
“I said slowly.”
Poor man. His eyes bug before a filthy look lands on his gorgeous face. “You’re on my time.”
“Does that mean we fall straight into bed again?”
“We’re not in bed, and need I remind you that it wasyouwho jumpedmelast night?”
“Don’t you think we should, you know, do normal-style dating?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Jude,” I breathe, forcing him back and sitting up. “You’re the one who said you didn’t want me to think you’re nothing but a fuckboy.”
“Right.” His cheeks blow out. “And you’ll get your reassurance by abstaining from me?”
“Don’t devalue my concerns.”
“I’m not. I’m just trying to figure out how to show you I’m mad for you withoutshowingyou.”
“I want to get to know you.”
“You know me.”
I snap my mouth closed. That’s not true. I know scraps of things, and what he’s reluctantly shared. Or been forced to share. “I didn’t know you were capable of doing something as low as sleeping with a woman for a bet and making her ...” I drift off before I can finish.Making her fall in love with you.
“Making her what?”
“Nothing.” I pull my handbag open when my phone rings, cringing when I see it’s Abbie. I don’t answer. I can’t explain where I am; she’ll yell at me.
“Okay,” Jude says on a tired exhale. “We’ll do things at your pace.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re not welcome.”
I roll my eyes and spin my phone, wondering what the hell I’m going to tell the girls. I’ll reassure them I know what I’m doing. That I’m in control. I glance across the car to Jude. He’s looking out the window, thoughtful, turning over the new approach to this thing between us. Am I in control? Truly? My body aches for him. And my heart wants nothing to do with the protective shield I’m trying to put in place around it.
Chapter 5
I step out of the car and look up at Arlington Hall as Jude takes my hand. “Is this allowed?” he asks. I give him a tired look, and he shrugs. “I’ve never done this, Amelia, so you’ve got to help me out.”
He’s never dated? Is that what we’re even doing? I sigh, exasperated by my own questions. If I don’t know, how the hell do I expect Jude Fuckboy Harrison to? I’d tell him we should just go with the flow, but I know the flow would take us straight to his bed and have us naked faster than Katherine can whip out her claws. Speaking of which, is she still gracing the rooms of Arlington Hall with her toxicity? I frown and pull my hand from Jude’s. I don’t know how to play this, which begs the question of why I let him bring me here. All I know is that I feel vulnerable while feeling incredibly settled, and it’s fucking with my head.
“Ouch,” Jude murmurs, stepping back, shaking his head mildly. “Doesn’t this uncertain energy between us feel wrong to you?” he asks, appearing genuinely perplexed. “Our relationship started off with a bang, Amelia.”
“But it was a lie.”
“No, baby.” He rakes both hands through his hair before coming close again, dipping to my level. “It wasn’t a lie. It was incredible.”
I wince, my gaze low.
“You’re not letting yourself be fully present.” Jude hunkers down some more, forcing me to look at him without touching me. “You want to hold my hand, so hold my hand.”
I want to do more than hold his hand, but I’m so scared I’ll lose sight of my objective. Which is what? To punish myself? Punish him? Or simply to figure out if Jude Harrison is a man I should trust with my heart before I hand it over on a plate?It’s too late.
I look up at Arlington Hall again. I want to ask about Katherine. Where she is now, what was said between them. But I also don’t want to know. I can’t stand this uncertainty, swaying between happiness that he’s back in my life and fear that I’m setting myself up for heartbreak.
