Page 27 of City of the Lost
“The thought of Tay with someone else makes my teeth ache, and Azren is driving me crazy … I just can’t get a handle on that guy. One minute he’s all business and the next he’s belly dancing on the fucking table. And Valance ... I don’t know, but I think he’s hiding something. Noir’s the only one that isn’t taking up precious brain energy right now. And now the whole fucked-up mess is playing in my head when I sleep.” I tapped the rim of my teacup and stared at the door, waiting for the voice.
“You know what this is, right?” the voice asked, his tone smooth like velvet.
The knots in my shoulders eased a fraction. “Do you think I’d be procrastinating if I did?”
A low chuckle. “Sexual repression.”
“Huh?”
“The only way to solve it is to fuck them all,” he said casually.
Wait, had I just heard him right.
“Yes, you heard me right. Just fuck them and get it over with. You know you want to. Your dreams are your subconscious sending you a message.” There was a sly edge to the voice now, needling and smarmy. “Wila, you need this.”
“No. I don’t want to. And you need to get your brain out of the gutter.”
Another soft chuckle. “You want Tay to give up his troll for you. Despite what you said to him, you want him to drop the knell and be yours. You want to tear down Noir’s perfect gentleman facade and unleash the sexual beast you know is tied up in chains within. You want to taste the danger hovering on Azren’s lips, feel the graze of his razor-sharp teeth, and you want to be burned by Valance’s Dragon Tear-soaked breath. You want him to draw you in so far that you become one.”
“Bullshit. Valance tried to eat me.”
“You wanted the princebeforehe began to feed from you. You want it all, and that’s what scares you.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” My hand shook, and I set the cup down.
“I know exactly what I’m talking about, and now you’re ready to hear it.” His tone was no longer playful. It was edged with an anger I couldn’t comprehend. “You’re not against giving your heart away. You’re against being trapped in a monogamous relationship.”
His words stabbed at a hidden part of me, the part that I’d locked away a long time ago. “Shut up.” But there was no conviction in the demand.
“You’re afraid of wanting more, of wantingeverything. Of wanting it all, because hey, that would just be greedy, selfish even, and that isn’t the image of you that you like to see. But now ask yourself why? Why fight your basic instinct? Is it worth the internal torment? Just think if you accept your flaws, if you accept your dark desires, we could be free.”
“Instincts aren’t always right.” Dammit, why did I sound so unconvinced?
“That’s a lie and you know it. You know what you want. You’re just afraid to break the conventions of the only society you know. But, Wila, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Maybe this society isn’t for you. At least you have the freedom to decide, to forge a path.” The fire had bled from his tone, and now he just sounded resigned, and ... sad.
My stomach tightened in response to the sorrow in his tone, and my feet took a step toward the metal door before I could catch them. What was I doing? He was locked up for a reason, a reason he wouldn’t share with me, probably because it was so horrific.
“You’re insane, you know that? And you have no idea what I need, so zip it.” I headed for the stairs.
“Yes, maybe I am. And yet you come to me time and time again. Ask yourself why you come down here? It’s because you need me,” he called in a singsong voice. “You need me to say the things you can’t. To think the things you refuse to think.”
A shiver ran up my spine because he was right. He was so fucking right. But like hell I was going to admit it.
“And I think you need to get a life. Oh, wait, you can’t.” I slammed the door shut with a smug smile.
7
The smell of bacon drew me from the shower and down the stairs. Gilbert was busy in the kitchen, utensils floating in the air as he prepared breakfast. Leaving him to it, I headed to the lounge. The hound met me at the doorway; his huge jaws, closed now, were level with my chest.
“Morning. You hungry?”
He stared at me and slow-blinked.
“I’ll take that as a yes. I hope you like bacon.”
He cocked his head.
“Follow me.” I pushed the sliding doors open all the way to allow his huge bulk to slide through, but the kitchen was another story. The door was regular-sized and there was no way the hound was getting in here. He was way too wide. “Oh, shit.”
