Page 45 of City of the Lost
“And you’ve had similar dreams before?”
“Yeah, but this one was too specific. I was in his body, I felt what he was feeling, and it was ... awful.” I suppressed a shudder. “There was so much darkness and desolation, except when he was with the woman, then there was a smidge of hope, even happiness? I don’t know. It’s hard to put into words.”
“And the other dreams?”
“I saw him about to beat Valance with a whip, but that one can’t be a memory ... I probably just picked up on the animosity between them and my subconscious mind ran with it.”
“Or maybe not,” Gilbert said. “Maybe the incident that happened in the memory caused the animosity. You say these dreams started after you saved Azren from the rogue Shedim.”
“Yeah.”
“Is there anything that happened that you might have forgotten to tell me?”
Ooo, he was in analysis mode. “Um, okay. Let me see. I got there and I saw they were whipping Azren, and I lost it. So, I jumped down and started to do my thing, and then the female Shedim hit me with the whip, but I shot her with a bolt.”
“Wait. The whip caught you?”
“Yeah.”
“And did it hurt?”
“Not really, it just felt weird. Like something snapped.”
“That could be the connection. The whip touched both you and Azren. Maybe it was never meant to touch you, and maybe it somehow connected you both?”
“That’s a lot of maybes.”
“I know, but it makes sense. The only way to know for sure is to ask him.”
I snorted into my cocoa. “Yeah, I can see that going down a treat—hey, Azren, did you whip Valance for his mother once? Oh, and did you ever have a whore who you had to kill to save her from your evil Shedim brethren?”
Gilbert sighed. “I see what you mean; however, if there is a connection, it may be a clue as to what the rogue Shedim were doing to Azren.”
He was right, but it was still an awkward thing to bring up. “I’ll see if I can broach it. I just ... It makes me feel creepy. I mean, if it’s real, then I’ve been in his head.”
“He read your mind without your consent. I’d say you were even now, wouldn’t you?”
“Ooo, nice spin. I like it.” I drained my cup and stretched.
This was home, here in the study with Gilbert. The fact that he was always there when I needed counsel, that he never belittled my concerns and fears, reinforced my instincts. But it bugged me that there was nothing I could do to free him from this cage. These walls from which he couldn’t fly. It bugged me that I couldn’t find his memories and give him a past, but at the same time, the thought of him being free scared me, because what would I do without him? He was my matron, the father figure I’d never had, and if he found himself then maybe he’d no longer want to be that person for me. The selfish thoughts were a bitter taste on my tongue, prompting the question—had I tried hard enough to find him a past?
“Hey, Gil?”
“Yes, Wila?”
“Do you still wonder about before?”
“No ... not really.”
“If you could find out who you were, would you still want to know?”
He sighed wearily. “I don’t know. Some days, it’s all I can think about, but more often than not I’m content just being here with you and Trevor. You woke me from a deep sleep, you gave me purpose, and if I am destined to remain on this earth as an incorporeal being, then I’m glad it’s as your companion.”
Darn him and his pretty words. “You’re more than that, Gil. You’re my family.” A lump formed in my throat. “I couldn’t do this without you, and just in case you were wondering, this is the bit where we hug.”
He chuckled and then his presence wrapped around me and squeezed.
“I love you, Gil.” There were only a handful of people I’d ever said that to. Gil was one of the select.
