Page 7 of Shadow Weaver
Not wanting to see the look of pity on his face, I carried the cocoa to the sofa set and curled up in a corner, nursing the mug.
Brady watched me from the kitchen area for a moment longer before padding over to join me. His huge body ate up the rest of the sofa as he angled himself toward me.
“Do you want to talk about it? The dream?” he asked.
Did I? I’d tormented Minnie with my nightmare but never revealed the details. She’d been so sweet about it, though. But it had been so raw, and now … It was like a canker that needed to be removed. Maybe talking about it would help. Maybe I was just making excuses because I was finally ready to get it off my chest.
“I dream about him … The human I killed. He says stuff. Stuff I already know, but … it hurts more when it comes from him.”
“What kind of stuff?”
I took a shuddering breath. “He calls me a killer, usually. Tells me it’s who I am. Tonight, he reminded me that I was unlovable … Toxic.” I took a sip of the cocoa to hide the tremble of my lip. “General shit like that.” I let out a strained laugh. “I don’t even know why I get so upset in the dream. I mean, I don’t actually give a shit what anyone thinks of me.”
“Lie,” Brady said. “You care. The dream is a manifestation of your fears.” He studied me for a long beat, his dark gaze so intense I was forced to drop mine. “The human you killed … How’d it happen?”
Panic curled a fist around my lungs. “I don’t want to talk about it. There’s no point rehashing it.”
“If that were the case, you wouldn’t be having nightmares. Trust me on this.”
His words connected with what I knew deep down to be true. It was time to share this burden, my truth. I filled him in on that night. On the sudden loss of control, on the bitter taste on my tongue that warned me of a drug in the blood, and my theory that my father was responsible.
Brady’s lip curled. “Your father sounds like an asshole. No, scratch that. Heisan asshole, and you need to stop blaming yourself for what happened. Stop punishing yourself for not being more aware, for ignoring your instincts, because it won’t change what happened. Nothing can bring that human back. Nothing you do will make your parents love you the way you deserve to be loved. But you can make a difference here. That one human life has set you on a path to save thousands.” He leaned forward and placed a hand on my thigh, his palm warm through the fabric of my joggers. “Let it go. You’re one of us now.Thisis your home. We’re your family, and you’ll never be alone again.”
Heat bloomed in my chest and trickled through my veins. I was one of them. This was my home. My family.
I locked gazes with him, marveling at the flecks of silver floating in the obsidian depths of his eyes. This was a side of Brady I’d never seen. Could the prickly bear have a softer side? “Thank you for just … being here.”
His jaw flexed, and he took a deep breath as if mulling something over, as if trying to decide whether to say something.
“What is it? Say it.”
He pouted slightly, then met my gaze. “I overheard you with Hyde earlier.”
It was as if someone had dumped a bucket of cold water over my head. “Oh.”
“You deserve better,” he growled. “Let it go.” He stood and stretched, so his tee rode up to expose his smooth, hard abs and tight Adonis belt. “Drink up, suit up. Patrol in thirty.”
And just like that, he was back to his usual man-of-little-words self.
* * *
Being backat the Academy was weird after almost two weeks solid at barracks, but Vince’s orders were clear. We were to spend the next week at the shadow cadet dorms – a mini-break, he called it—before moving up to the fortress in sector two.
My room felt empty without the many odors that were the guys. Lloyd and his troop had already gone up to the fortress, so it was just the first years back in dorms and it felt … wrong.
There was a knock on my door, and then Harmon popped his head in. “Hey, this just came for you.” Harmon passed me a folded note.
I plucked it from his fingers. “What does it say?”
He shrugged.
I rolled my eyes. “I know you read it.”
He grinned. “Fine. Payne’s summoned you to the lab.” He frowned. “You think he found something?”
Excitement fizzed in my veins. “I hope so.” I scanned the short note, which said pretty much what Harmon had reiterated.
After we’d failed to find any answers about my shadow phasing ability by examining and testing it, Payne had decided it was time to do some deeper research. He’d taken portal leave and gained a pass to Nightwatch headquarters’ vast library. He and the head weaver there were old acquaintances, and he was confident that with his help, we’d find an answer to where my ability came from.
