Page 51 of Reaper Unhinged
“I think I need to smooth things over.”
Mal plucked a strip of bacon off my plate. “Fine. Eat first, then speak to Conah. You’ll think better on a full stomach, and then you’re mine for a few hours.”
“I have to check in on my team,” Azazel said, his mouth turning down.
I’d told him about his deputy Dillon’s duplicity on the way back from the Underealm. He knew Cora was looking into the missing humans case. But I knew Azazel, and I knew that Dillon was in for some pain.
“I’ll cook for us this evening,” Azazel said.
“Oh, Az, you don’t have to do that,” Mal simpered.
Azazel shot him a flat look. “You’ll be elsewhere.”
“You know,” Mal said, “you’re taking this General thing a little too seriously.” He said it good-naturedly, and Azazel’s shoulders relaxed.
“You’re right,” he agreed. “We only have a couple of days before we need to head back and begin organizing the troops for a journey into the pit.” He covered my hand with his. “I want to make the most of that time.”
“So do I.” I turned my palm up, so we were holding hands, then held out my other hand to Mal. “Today and tonight is about us.”
Mal held up his mug. “I’ll drink to that.”
* * *
I foundConah in the library, a room I hadn’t visited since the first few weeks when Conah had been teaching me about all the different outlier species. We’d shared laughter here. Heated looks. But it felt like another time, like it had happened to another person.
Too much had changed. Too much had happened between us.
Conah looked up from the parchment he was scrawling on as I closed the door behind me.
“Hey.” I walked over to the table but didn’t sit. “Look, I’m sorry for snapping at you.”
He put his quill down. “No, Fee, I’m sorry. I said some awful things to you when Kiara died.”
“I get it. You were grieving. You needed someone to blame.”
“No, it’s more than that. I was guilty. I was in love with you, and I wanted you, and I wished so many times for a way out of my betrothal with Kiara, and then…She was gone.” He looked away, throat bobbing. “My wish was granted, but in the most awful manner.”
I stared at him, stunned by his confession.
“I was riddled with guilt and pain,” he continued. “But the cardinal helped me work through it. He helped me to accept that my wanting out hadn’t been what killed Kiara. Mammon did that. He was the only one to blame for her death.” He set down his pen. “I can’t help but wonder, though…if I’d left Kiara…if I’d broken off the engagement…would she still be alive?” He shook his head. “Not to be with you, of course…I know now that would never have happened.” His smile was sad. “You wouldn’t have hurt Kiara like that.”
He was right. I wouldn’t have. “We can’t dwell on the past. On what we could have done. We can only live with what we have done and move forward. Kiara was a wonderful woman, and she was a part of you, but she’s gone, and you need to continue to live. I want you to know that I’ll do whatever it takes to help you with that. If that means staying away from you, then so be it.”
He looked up at me, stunned. “No. No, Fee, I don’t want that. I want us to be friends like we could have been. Like we should have been. Can we do that? Can we start again?”
His words were a rock being lifted off my chest. “Yes. Yes, I’d like that a lot.”
His gaze lingered on my face for a moment longer, and then he dropped it to the parchment. “I should get these done.”
Shit. “Of course. Yeah. I’ll see you later?”
“I’m headed back to the Underealm tomorrow,” he said. “But once this is all over. Once Lilith is safe, maybe we can…I don’t know, catch a movie?”
He sounded so awkward saying it that I couldn’t help but chuckle. “How about lunch at Lumiers instead?”
He looked relieved. “Sounds perfect.”
I left him to his work and headed off to look for Mal. I was excited to spend the day with him. I was almost at the stairs when a hand snagged my elbow, and I was yanked into the storage closet Iza used to keep her cleaning supplies. It smelled of floral disinfectant and cinnamon.
