Page 11 of When Monsters Rise
Iwas happy to answer his question, though. “Inever used to.Thefirst time, it just produced a huge boost in residual power, but that changed.”
“Why?”
“Idon’t know.Itfeels like the power is becoming stronger, more connected to me and my emotions, but…butI’malso getting better at controlling it.”
“Doyou think finding the second fragment had anything to do with it?NowthatShemhas it in his possession…Youtwo are connected, after all.”
“Maybe.Idon’t really know.AllIknow is thatIhave to keep the door to the power closed.”
“Door?”
“That’showIsee it…Feelit.Likethere’s this door between it and me.WhenShemandIhave sex, he connects to the power too.It’salways a risk,Isuppose, but this…with you…Ican let go completely and abandon myself to sensation.”
Hekissed my throat, my jaw, and finally my lips. “Iwant to drown in sensation with you,Rue.Tomilk every moment we have.”
Avacuum opened in my heart. “Don’t.Don’ttalk like that.”
Hesighed and looked deep into my eyes. “Weknow better than to lie to ourselves.We’resurvivors, and we know when the road is coming to an end.Itisn’t giving up, it’s accepting fate.I’mat peace with mine,Rue.Ineed you to be too.”
ButIcouldn’t.Icouldn’t accept that this vibrant man was dying.Thatthe very thing that he’d used to keep so many alive had signed his death warrant.
“Therehas to be a—”
Hecut off my words with his lips, sinking into a kiss that melted my resistance and momentarily calmed the tumult of thoughts churning in my mind.Wesurfaced only to come together again urgently, because the fire in our blood had been relit and there was only one way to assuage it.
* * *
Ithadto be close to midnight by the time we settled to go to sleep.Mybody was lethargic and sated, but like always, my mind teemed with activity. “Whathave you andTumielbeen working on all week?”
“Asuper-secret project.”Heslow-blinked as if he was struggling to keep his eyes open.
Ishould have let him rest, butIwasn’t ready to end the night yet. “Toosecret to tell me?”Ipoked his side, and he chuckled.
“Wait, are you…”
Hiseyes flew wide. “Don’teven think about it.”
Butnow thatIknew, how couldInot?
“Rue…”Hisvoice held warning and authority—the kind of tone he’d used on the younger cadets.Butwe weren’t at the settlement any longer, and he wasn’t my superior, and dammit,Ineeded to hear him laugh—unabashed and unrestrained.
Istruck fast, aiming for his sides, and his rich, warm laughter filled the room. “Stop.Hey, stop.”Hewas weak with it, unable to fight me off.Herolled so he was on top of me, andIrelaxed, allowing him to press me into the mattress as my hands slipped from his ribcage and slid up to hook around his neck.
“So?Thissuper-secret project?”
Hegave me a lazy smile. “Notsecret really.We’reclearing out a second exit from the mall.It’salways been there, but the doors were jammed.Theelectrics shot.I’veopened it out, and we’re working on clearing it of debris and checking it’s all stable.Ialso managed to get to the upper floor where there’s some natural light.Ithink with the right preparation, we might be able to get a greenhouse going, andI’vespoken toTumielabout rounding up some cattle.Themonsters can’t have gotten them all.”
“Youwant to farm?”
“Yes.Eventually.Ifwe don’t make provisions, then the food will run out.Wesurvived all this time due to the export from other settlements.Weneed to find a way to produce our own.Wecan do this.Wecan have this place running like clockwork, self-sufficient in a few months.”
Hewas amazing, and he was mine.Mine.
“Ilove you,Bastian.”Hefroze.Achest-still, unbreathing kind of stillness that made my throat ache.ButI’dsaid it, andI’dsay it again. “Ithink thatI’veloved you for some time now.”
Heclosed his eyes and exhaled through his nose. “Idon’t remember a time whenIdidn’t love you.”
Hiswords, which should have brought me only joy, settled on me like an ominous weight.
