Page 79 of When Monsters Rise
“Ah…there is hope yet, then?”Hesearched my face, andInodded. “Isuspected you may be the key.Isee he realized it too.Isuppose it gave him comfort to know that he wasn’t the only one who could save us.”
Shemwas gone but hearing him referred to in the past tense hurt. “Canyou stop…Stoptalking about him in the past tense.”
Compassionrippled across his alien features. “Heisgone, and you must accept it.Grieveif you must and then move on.Youcannot afford to be hindered by sorrow.Itwas whyShemkept himself apart.Whyhe shielded his heart.Heknew that attachments could weaken him at the most inopportune time.Thathe couldn’t let anything hold him back from achieving his goal.Thatresponsibility now falls to you.”
ButShemhad let his guard down for me.He’dloved me, and now he was dead.Wouldhe be alive if he hadn’t given his heart to me?Wouldhe have made different choices, choices that would have kept him out ofMichael’sgrasp?
HadIweakened him?HadIcaused his death?
Myeyes burned as a fist closed around my heart.
“You’rewrong,”Beesnapped. “Lovemakes us stronger.Ithelps us to fight harder.”
Afew of the devolved chittered in agitation, andBeeflinched but held her ground.
Kabielhissed, and they shut up. “Lovealso impairs judgment.Itskews priorities.”
Ididn’t have the emotional or mental energy for this. “Noneof that matters now, though, does it?Shemis gone.He’sfucking gone, and we have to carry on.Wehave to make his death mean something.Andyou…you need to have a fucking vision.”
“Idon’t control the visions,Rue.Theycome to me when the time is right.Youmust have faith.”
“Faith?Isthere any point when no one is listening?No.I’mnot leaving things to chance.”Igrabbed his face and opened the door to theMorningstarpower.
Ithit him in a jet of power.Hecried out, eyes glowing bright silver for a moment.
Chittersrose in the air behind him.
“Rue, stop!”Beedemanded. “Stopnow.”
Icut off the power and dropped my hands. “Thereyou go.Thatshould increase the odds of a vision, right?”Mytone was bitter.Mysoul was bitter.Andfor a moment,Ihated the world.HatedthatIhad to be here withoutShem.Thatthis world had to matter more to me than he did. “Findme if you see anything.”
Istrode off toward the church, andBeehurried to catch up.
“Howwill he find you?Hecan’t get close to the church,”Beesaid.
“Hedoesn’t need to.IfKabielwants to speak to me, he can walk into my dreams.”
Ipushed open the gate and headed up the path toward the church.Thedoor opened, andJilyanastood on the doorstep, her eyes glittering with tears.
No.Icouldn’t deal with her right now.Ididn’t want to deal with anyone.
Ibrushed past her, down the aisle, avoiding looking at anyone asIbeelined for the room at the back thatShemandIhad first…
No.
Keepit together.
Iclosed and locked the door, and whenIturned to face the room, my gaze zeroed in on the spot whereShemandIhad first consummated our relationship.
He’dkissed me for the first time in this space.
Abubble of emotion swelled inside me as my heart beat hard and heavy.Myknees went weak, andIslid to the floor, surrendering to the pain.
Shemwas gone.I’dnever get to touch him, hold him, see his wicked smile or breathe in his scent.Hewas gone, andI’dnever get to hear his rumbling voice or his rare laughter.Ourlast moments together filled my mind.
Thetorment in his eyes just before he’d kissed me and said goodbye.
Goodbye…He’dsaidgoodbye.Asif he’d known he wasn’t coming back.
