Page 41 of Reap the Night
“And me?” he asked softly. “What do you feel for me?”
There was too much vulnerability in his tone. I didn’t want to have this conversation. Not now. Not ever, really, but here we were, face to face, ready to have this confrontation.
I could lie to him, but what would that achieve? He would know, and he would wonder, and the cycle would continue. So I gave him the closest version of the truth that I could.
“I care about you too, Ezekiel, and it scares me. It disgusts me how much I want you, and that contradiction is draining. It makes me feel awful about myself. It makes me hate myself. Things are easy with Kaster. He makes me happy.” All true.
His nostrils flared, and his breathing quickened as if he was preparing to fight. “Are you in love with him?”
If I could say yes here, and it be true, would it stop Ezekiel dead in his tracks? Would it kill this burgeoning thing between us? This skein of emotion that could never be woven into anything functional.
It didn’t matter because I couldn’t say it. “No, I’m not in love with him, but I could be.” In time. If I allowed myself to fall.
“Have you given your body to him?”
It was my turn to flinch because there was accusation in his tone. This was my chance to cut him off. To show him that I was committed to another. “Yes.”
His sharp exhale was the only reaction I got, and when he spoke, his tone was matter-of-fact, as if he was relaying the weather forecast for tomorrow. “What if I take him away from you? I could end his life.”
I swallowed past the tightness in my throat. “Then I’ll hate you.”
He growled. “I don’t want him to have you.”
“Then what? Whatdoyou want?”
“I want you as mine.”
Part of me had believed that this admission would bring me peace, but all it did was open a pit of nothing inside of me, and when I spoke, my tone was flat. “I don’t want to be yours.”
“Liar.” He bridged the distance between us and gripped my shoulders. “Say that again. Say it when my mouth is on yourskin.” He pressed his lips to my cheek, trailing them down to my jaw, then my neck. My body lit up for him. “Say it now.”
The urge to embrace him was so strong it hurt to resist it, but I fought, eyes burning, lips trembling with the effort not to cry because a wave of emotion pressed outward, threatening to break free and steal my autonomy.
I wrestled it all, and I pushed out the words that he needed to hear. “I don’t want to be yours.”
“Liar, liar, liar.” He kissed my pulse, suckling on it until a moan ripped free of my lips and my hands sank into his silken hair. “Orina…”
My name on his lips was the jolt I needed to regain my resolve. I pushed him away, catching my breath, gathering my wits, locking away the need that pulsed between us.
I gulped air as if it could clear my blood of the need to submit to him. “The lie comes from the contradiction between my body and my mind, but it’s my mind that I’ll listen to, Ezekiel. Always. You and I are nothing but watcher and charge. It will never be more than that. Maybe if you accept it, we can be friends. In time.”
“Friends?” he sneered. “I don’t want you as a friend. I want you in my bed.”
I took an involuntary step toward him then locked my knees. “You need to focus on Ariella.”
“Forget Ariella. There will be other Ariellas.”
“Your curse?—”
“Will still be there next rising. Maybe if I hadn’t met you first, maybe then I would have been charmed by this pawn in a game I don’t fully understand, but for once in my achingly long existence, I have something that is mine.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “My choice entirely.”
“Don’t…”
“You. Orina, I want you.” His tone softened, his gaze questing. “Can I have you for this year?”
My pulse hummed yes, all the thousand yeses and damn the consequences, but my mind reminded me of the awfulness of those consequences and how damned we would all be if I capitulated.
There was only one path here. One truth.
