Page 85 of Lost and Stolen Gods
He exhaled through his nose, reining in his emotions. “You’ll take my bed,” he said. “I don’t sleep much anyway.” He led me over to his neatly made bed. “Sit down.”
He was so kind, and I felt awful for taking advantage, especially since he’d gone to the pains of avoiding me at supper earlier. “I’m sorry. I know you probably didn’t want to see me, but?—”
“Why would I not want to see you?” He studied me in confusion.
Had I misread his absence? “After Araz said those things and you didn’t come to supper I…I thought…”
He crouched and gently took my hands in his. “I was giving you some space. Araz’s reaction to my being close to you suggested that he cared more than he was allowing us to see. I cannot stand in the path of a jodi that has true potential.”
“And you think that we do?”
“I did until this moment. Araz has gone too far.Hurting you this way.” His jaw tightened. “It is unacceptable.”
“I’m not hurt.” My voice came out thick with emotions.
“Then why are you crying?” He lightly touched my wet cheek.
I swiped at the traitorous tears. “I’m tired, that’s all.”
He nodded. “Yes. It has been a long day. You should sleep now.” He helped me to lie down and covered me with a thick blanket. “I’ll be right here.” He leaned in and kissed my head, then made to retreat.
“Pashim?”
“Yes, Leela?”
“Will you… will you hold me till I fall asleep?” I held my breath because maybe it was asking too much, but I needed it. I needed the comfort of an embrace.
He sighed wistfully. “It would be my pleasure.”
He settled behind me, his arm around my waist, chin resting on my head. The heat from his skin penetrated the material of my shirt, soothing my tense muscles.
I relaxed in increments, my limbs growing heavy. “Ravi told me that Briella might not make the labyrinth.”
“Yes. I heard.” His words vibrated against my back.
“I know you said it’s not my fault, but it is. I lost my temper. Iwantedto hurt her.” Pashim didn’t say anything, so I continued, “I haven’t lost my temper like that in…well, a long time. I used to be angry all thetime when I was younger. It would churn inside me, desperate to be free. I think it was because of the bullying and the isolation…” Why was I telling him this?
“Go on.”
Did I want to go on? Did I want to remember? The words spilled from my lips, making my decision for me. “I was fifteen when I met Darren. He was new to the school, and he took an interest in me. He didn’t seem to care that I had no friends or that people called Nani a witch. You’d think the whole thing would have died out by the time I got older, but Nani…well, she had her quirks, like herb picking in the moonlight. People saw her, and they talked. Anyway, Darren didn’t seem to care, and we grew close. I thought he loved me and then…” My pulse quickened. “He invited me to a picnic at lovers point, a cliffside spot where people went to…to make out.”
“Make out?”
“Kiss and…things…”
“Ah… Go on.”
“I wore my best outfit. Did my hair, even wore a little makeup, but when I got there, he wasn’t alone. There were others from my class with him. The girls and boys that had made fun of me. They’d been waiting to see if I turned up. It was all a joke. A bet to see if he could entice me to…” My throat pinched as I recalled that moment and the soul-crushing disappointment followed by the surge of white-hot rage. “They laughed at me and…so did he. I lost my shit. I ran at him and shoved him. He fell twenty feet to the ledge below. He was in a coma for a week. He almost died. I almost killed him over a prank.”
“It sounds to me that he deserved to be punished,” Pashim said. “His actions were deliberately cruel. He broke your heart, and you broke his bones. An even transaction, in my opinion.”
“Maybe in this world but not in mine. The punishment didnotfit the crime. My rage got the better of me. It stole my reasoning, and after that incident, I vowed to control it. To lock it down. But yesterday I failed.”
“You curbed your strength and your anger, and it caused damage. Maybe it’s time to hone them both into a weapon of battle. You are a demigod, Leela; your rage has power. It is a gift that, if used wisely, can be an asset in this world.”
His words made sense. Maybe Icoulduse it. Hone and channel it. “How are you so wise?”
“Not wise, I just…I have seen something similar before.”
