Page 30 of Claim the Twilight
“I didn’t say you could come in,” he said.
“You didn’t say I couldn’t either.”
He sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it, Orina.”
He thought I was here to talk about his Plan B. To convince him it was a dumb idea. To plead with him not to go through with it, and yes, I was tempted to do all those things, but if I said those words, then I’d be a hypocrite. The oaths I’d taken when joining the Order bound me to put the needs of the many above the needs of one. To protect the innocent with my life. Hemlock’s Plan B was him doing the same. How could I berate him for it? I was in awe of him. Terrified of losing him, but so fucking proud of him.
“Just say it,” he said gruffy. “Say whatever it is you came to say and go.”
We’d been skirting our feelings for too long now, trapped in a push-pull dynamic that had to end. Iwantedit to end. Now.
I took a deep breath and pushed the words out in a rush. “I understand why you want to do this. Why you mightneedto do it. And I know that’s why you’ve been pushing me away and keeping a distance. I get it. I fucking get it. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We don’t have to pretend anymore. We can be together.” The relief at having said what was in my heart was exhilarating. But the silence that followed left me cold. “Um…Hemlock? Did you…did you hear what I said?” Of course he’d heard me. What was I thinking? “Say something.”
He turned to face me, his eyes narrow slits. “I think you overestimate my regard for you.”
I’d have doubted myself before becoming a vampire, but now I could hear his heartbeat, erratic and fast, contradicting his words and his tone.
“What?” he snapped, eyes flashing.
I took a step closer. “Cut the act, Hemlock. You care about me as much as I care about you. In fact, I think you’re in love with me like I’m in love with you.” His eyes widened, and he sucked in a sharp breath. The pulse in my throat throbbed hard, thickening my tone. “That’s right. I’m in love with you. And if I’mgoing to live an immortal life, then I don’t want to do it without you.”
His chest rose and fell sharply. “Damn you.” He crushed me to him, claiming my mouth with bruising intensity. My heart beat hard in my throat as I kissed him back, matching his urgency with a desperate need of my own, devouring the coffee and cinnamon taste that lingered on his lips. My gums ached, and sweet copper licked at my tongue. He groaned, lifting me off my feet and slamming me into the wall by the window.
I arched into him, fisting his shirt to keep him close as his hands caged my face. He drank me in. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think beyond the feel and taste of him. His blood in my mouth. Nectar on my tongue, warming my throat.
“Fuck,” he gasped into my mouth.
I licked the inside of his lip where I’d nicked him with my fangs, pussy throbbing with the twisted need to feed and fuck. “I want you.” My voice was a growl. “Now.”
“Fuck, fuck.” He kissed me again and again, his hands roving my body, squeezing and grasping, flooding me with wet heat. “Damn it.” He pushed away from the wall. Away from me. “I can’t. I won’t.”
I stared at him, dumbfounded, heart pounding in my ears. “What? Why?”
He ran a hand through his hair, pacing back and forth for a moment before coming to a standstill, head bowed.
“Hemlock?” I reached for him, and he took my hand, drawing me close.
“I’m sorry.” He leaned in and pressed his forehead to mine, his breath warm and ragged against my lips. “You understand why I might have to execute my plan, so you also need to understand that we…” He sighed. “This can’t happen. You and I…We can’t happen because if we do, then I’m not sure that I’ll be strong enough to walk away.” His tone thickened. “If weexplore this”—he ran his thumb back and forth along my jaw—“then I may not be able to leave you. And then…the whole world will be doomed.”
I hated that I understood his reasoning. Hated that in his place I might have said the same words. Heat gathered behind my eyes. “We will find another way. Jacqueline said?—”
“It’s a long shot, and you know it. An entity that may or may not have the answers to ending a goddess? Come on, Orina. You’re smarter than that.”
Yeah…yeah, I was, but right now, I didn’t want to be. “It’s a lead. I have confidence that we’ll get answers. I have hope.”
His throat bobbed. “So did I. Hope that the curse would be broken and Loviator locked away. But that hope has been shattered. I’ve got to prepare myself mentally and emotionally. Do you understand?”
Ice trickled through my veins. “You want to prepare yourself to die.”
He pulled away, looking down his nose at me. “Yes.”
My chest ached. “You don’t need to do this alone.”
“Yes, I do. And I need you to love me enough to respect that and walk away. Now.” He released me, his expression closing off. “Please. Go.”
My legs ached to step into his arms, to wrap myself around him and hold him until he broke and gave me what I needed.
Him.
