Page 115 of Damned and Broken Gods
Over and over again.
We sleptin a tangle of limbs, breath in sync, but I woke alone, tucked beneath the covers, with two inquiring beady eyes looking right at me.
“Blue…” I made to sit up, remembered I was naked, and quickly pulled the sheets up to cover me.
“If I had eyebrows, they’d be in the fecking air right now,” Blue said. “You finally did it. The deed. The horizontal tango. The bug on its back, desperate to be flipped. Ya fecking did it. Good on ya, chickadee.”
But I didn’t feel good. I mean, I felt great physically. Energized in a way that I’d never felt before. But emotionally? Tears filled my eyes, and Blue scampered across my pillow to press his cheek to mine.
“Oh, Leela, chick, don’t cry…” He drew back, his expression fierce. “Did that fecker hurt you?” His eyes widened. “His dong…It was his huge dong, weren’t it?”
I snort-laughed through my tears. “Fucking hell, Blue.”
He reached out and caught a tear, holding it up to his face. “These are much too precious to waste.”
I wiped at my face. “I’m fine, and…he didn’t hurt me. It was…It was beautiful, but now…Now he’s gone. And he’s going to pretend it didn’t happen and?—”
The door opened, and Araz entered, carrying a tray laden with breakfast foods. He frowned when he caught sight of my tearstained face.
“You left and made her cry, you muscle-bound oaf!” Blue shook his fist at Araz, and then he noticed the breakfast tray. Helowered his fist and turned to me to whisper, “I fink ee left ta fetch breakfast. We might ’ave jumped the gun a little.”
Araz set the tray on the floor by the bed, then sat by my hip. “Blue,” he said, never taking his eyes off me. “Go be somewhere else for a little while. Please.”
Blue looked to me, and I nodded.
“Fine, but I’m tekin a slice of this fried bread with me.” He leapt off the bed, grabbed a slice, and scampered off.
Araz hooked a finger under my chin and nudged me to look at him. “You honored me last night. What we shared was sacred. The way I feel for you is flame eternal. I do not take it lightly. I will not turn from it and pretend that it did not happen, but…It cannot happen again.”
My throat pinched, fresh tears welling, but I blinked them back and nodded. “I know.”
A slight furrow formed between his eyebrows. “Do you wish we hadn’t taken this step?”
“No!” I clutched his wrist. “Never. I…I got to be with you. To love you in the most intimate way. To know what it feels like to be one, and I…I’ll carry that with me forever.”
He pressed his free palm to my cheek, and I leaned into his touch, my eyes closing. “Does there have to be war? Araz…can’t we…just be?”
“Maybe. Maybe you’ll succeed,” he said. “If anyone can bring a god to heel, it’s you. And if that moment comes, if you convince the Asura to stand down and let my people go, then I will lay down my arms willingly.”
My gaze flew wide. “You will? You’ll give me time?”
“Yes. I’ll give you a year. And if you fail, then I will come, and I will take what is mine.” His hand slipped to my nape and up into my hair, fisting possessively. “Everythingthat is mine.” His hot gaze fell to my lips, his nostrils flaring. “I pray you don’t fight me then.”
There was a hardness in his eyes, one that told me that if that moment came there would be no compromise. A cold spot formed in the pit of my belly.
“If it comes to that…If we were on opposite sides of a war, standing face-to-face on a battlefield…would you…would you kill me?”
His eyes flared, and his expression twisted. “I will do whatever it takes to free my people and everyone who the Asura have enslaved. And Leela, if you stand with the Asura…If you stand against me, then I will do what needs to be done.”
He’d kill me? And how could I blame him?
He wanted to save his people. To free the souls that were being forced to work for the Asura and fight for them under conscription. There was honor in that. But there was no honor in war. Not in my book. I would try it my way. With love and understanding. I’d make changes from within to slacken the shackles until they slipped off completely. But if I failed…If the Asura refused to bend, to change, then what? Could I stand beside Araz and wage war? Could I killmypeople—the Asura and demigods? And all the beings still forced to fight with us, because that would be the price.
My pulse pounded hard in my throat.
“Leela…” Araz stroked my cheek. “Let’s not squander our last days together.” He picked up the tray and placed it on the bed between us.
I held the sheets with one hand, sitting up fully.
