Page 124 of Damned and Broken Gods
Her eyes narrowed. “You’re not chosen. You’re not even wanted. You’re in survival mode, and there is no greatness in that.”
The pulse at the base of my throat throbbed as her words penetrated. Not enough. Not for the people at school, not for Matt, and not for Araz. No matter how much I loved, how hard I fought, how much I cared, I was never enough.
My skin prickled, and I lifted my arm, thin and bony now, the wrist knobbly to match the reflection.
“No…”
“Yes, Leela. You’re nothing.” The reflection held out her arms. “But I love you. Come join me and we can finally rest.”
And, oh gods, the temptation was a rush of heat through my aching bones. To just stop. To just be…nothing. To sleep and forget. There’d be peace in that. She was right. There was no one that really wanted me.Neededme, maybe, but wanted? The onlyperson that had loved me in that way was Nani, but even then…I wasn’t sure if her love had been an obligation. A duty to protect me. And Pashim? I would never know because he’d been taken from me.
Araz wanted me, but I wasn’t enough for him either.
I took a step forward, but my gut tightened, something inside me halting my feet.
“Leela, come to me.” The figure held out its hands, eyes gleaming crimson for a beat. I stepped back, my heart hammering against my ribs. “You know I’m right.”
I cast my mind back on all the times I’d felt ‘not enough.’ All the moments of doubt. But there’d been a time when those doubts hadn’t existed. A time of innocence and wonder, when anything was possible.
A time when I had been enough.
The voices that said otherwise were twisted. Distortions of who I truly was.
“Leela!” The figure’s eyes widened. “Come to me.”
Yeah, like hell. “I think I’ll pass, love. And you know why? Because all I need to do to be enough is to be true to myself. So yeah, I don’t give a shit what others think. I am enough.”
The figure shrank. Her crown melted. Her face blurred. The mirror was nothing but a mirror once more.
A soft voice filled the room. “The Hollow One rests.”
The knots that had formed in my stomach unraveled. I’d done it. I’d passed, right? I glanced around. “Is that it? What now?”
Light bloomed to my right, coming from another mirror. I squinted until it dimmed to reveal my reflection. This time I was dressed in gold and white robes with a silver crown floating an inch above my head like a halo.
“Go on, what deep inner wound do I have to overcome this time?”
Because that was obviously what this was. Hold up a mirror to my psyche and watch me crumble. Yeah, I was on to the system.
My reflection smiled. “We failed to save Nani. In fact, we brought death to her doorstep. If we’d stayed away, she might be alive right now, but as usual, we went running back to her as soon as things got tough.”
My mouth went dry. “I couldn’t have known what would happen.”
“No? We dreamed it, though. We dreamed of her demise, and we ignored it. Selfish.”
I felt a tightness around my ankle and looked down to see green vines climbing up my leg.
“Stop it!”
“And Pashim…You were so eager to prevent Joe’s death, to somehow make up for causing Nani’s that you forced Pashim to sacrifice himself to save you. His poor insignificant life to protect yours.”
“No, that isn’t true.”
The vines climbed up to my thighs.
“And Priti? Sweet, innocent Priti, dead because you wanted to play the hero and save Vick.”
I bit back a sob as vines tightened around my torso.
