Page 50 of Damned and Broken Gods
ThatIshould be more.
Am I broken?
Lola watches me, her eyes narrowing as if she’s tryna read me thoughts. She fuckin’ gives me the creeps sometimes. The only trait we share is that she’s blue like me.
I hop off me downy bed and scamper across the room toward the wall, toward the glyphs. “These feckers are doin’ somethin’, right? The recharge thing? Can’t they just add them to our person’s room?”
Why don’t you ask Umbra in the morning?Lola says.
Her words echo in my head, and somethin’ tugs at me thoughts. A memory or somethin’.
Blue, get some sleep,Ida says.We can talk about this in the morning.
The buzz in me head dies away, takin the strange feelin’ with it. “Damn right we will.”
I climb back into me downy bed, stomach hollowing as the hum in the walls gets louder and louder. Fuckin’ hell, how am I supposed to sleep through…
Chapter 18
Whiskery Kisses And The Scent Of Home
LEELA
Chandra had been so confident that the Authority would allow me immediate ascension that he hadn’t bothered to arrange us transport back to Prashikshan. Arranging a carriage back for us ate into the whole day, and it was late by the time we returned.
Dharti Ghar barracks slept as we entered, silence closing in around us, floors swallowing the sounds of our footsteps as we slipped through the open-plan sitting room and climbed the stairs to our quarters.
Two beds waited for us.
Separate.
Cold.
I didn’t want to get into mine. Not yet, so I unpacked in silence, drawing items of clothes from my case, refolding them and placing them onto shelves, all the while hyper aware of Araz’s gaze on me.
Long seconds passed, and I sensed his approach, closing my eyes as his heat touched me. Resisting the urge to lean back against him.
“Leela, would you like to sleep in my bed tonight?” His voice, soft as velvet, enticing, inviting, threatened to push past the defenses I’d spent the whole carriage ride here erecting.
Because would I like to share a bed with him? Gods yes, I’d like it. Was it a good idea? No. It was a terrible idea.
It was easy to be cavalier with my heart when I’d thought we only had a handful of days left together, but now we had weeks, months even, and if I allowed myself to lean on him too much, if I let my heart decide, let it guide, then I might as well tear it out now and hand it to him, because what if breaking the bond didn’t stop this…this twisted ache deep in my soul? What if cutting the thread that bound us didn’t stop me yearning for him? What if the way I felt wasn’t influenced by the bond at all?
He cupped my shoulders, branding me with the warmth of his palms. “Leela? Just for tonight?” The ache in his tone matched the one in my heart.
“But it won’t be, will it?” I turned in his arms, tipping my face up to look him in the eyes. “One night will become two, then three, and we’ll get closer, we’ll cross lines, and when it’s time for me to ascend and for you to leave, it will hurt. It’ll hurt bad.”
He let out a slow breath, the fire in his eyes dimming. “You’re right.” He smiled, a shadow of a smile. “You’re stronger than me, Leela.”
I let out a breathless laugh because he was so wrong. “I’m strong in this moment, maybe, but you’ve carried the burden of strength every other time. I want you, Araz, there’s no denying that. I want you like a bear wants honey, but you’ll give me cavities, huge, painful ones.”
His mouth twitched. “Cavities?”
“Yep. Cavities that will be impossible to fill, so…yeah. I know we can’t be lovers, but…we can be friends. Will you be my friend, Araz?”
He pressed his palm to my cheek. “It would be my honor.”
“Wake up, sleeping beauty!”Blue pressed whiskery kisses to my cheek.
