Page 83 of Damned and Broken Gods
“Leela, no,” Araz said, louder this time.
I swallowed the lump rising in my throat. “Then let’s get it over with. Now.”
I hadan hour before my journey to Jvalantar. An hour to change into a jumpsuit made of thin, breathable material that, according to Bhartina, was super strong and resistant to heat. An hour to compose myself. To say goodbye.
I stared at myself in the washroom mirror. With my hair pulled back, my eyes looked too large in my pale face. I forced my jaw to unclench and my mouth to soften. I could do this. It sounded simple enough. All I needed to do was navigate a tunnel burrowed into the mountain housing the volcano. I didn’t have to descend into the mouth itself, simply pass through the tunnel and exit on the other side. Somewhere along the way, there’d be an ember burning, waiting for me to find it and carry it out. That was all anyone knew.
It had to be enough.
I blew out a breath, slapped my cheeks, and glared at myself, making agrrrface before stepping out of the washroom and smack bang into Araz’s chest.
I bounced back, but he grabbed my shoulders to steady me. “This is insane,” he said. “You’ll die.”
My stomach knotted. “Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence.”
His grip on me tightened. “I don’t…” He exhaled. “Don’t fall into humor. Don’t deflect. You. Could. Die.”
I wanted to say I’d heard him the first time, that enunciating didn’t help, but I bit back the flippant retorts and spoke from the heart instead. “Then I die. But I have to try.”
His jaw ticked, and he exhaled through his nose. “I don’twantyou to die.”
The urge to melt into him, to surrender to the terror that was clawing at my insides rushed over me, but I batted it away. If I softened now, if I allowed him to hold me, then I might cave. I might change my mind, and then…then the Authority and the regime would win.
I couldn’t, wouldn’t, allow that to happen. I pushed him away, putting much-needed distance between us, and the way his face fell made the knots in my stomach tighten.
“Araz, I have to do this. I have to try. You know it. Deep down you fucking know it. And I know, if the roles were reversed, ifyouwereme, you would do it too.”
He made a sound of exasperation and dragged a hand down his face. “Dammit.” He paced tightly, his hands flexing. “I can’t…I can’t watch you go in there and do nothing.”
“Then come with me.” I lightly touched his arm, and he stilled. I took his hand and pressed it to my chest, over my heart. “Come with me here.” Heat bloomed in my solar plexus. “Ah…there you are.”
He closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath. “Leela, I…Fuck.” He swallowed hard and opened his eyes, fixing me with a look that was fire and brimstone. “You will not be a hero. If things start to look bad, you will leave. You will retreat. Do you understand me?”
My mouth trembled as I forced a smile, injecting levity into my tone. “I mean, how can I disobey when you use the big boss voice?”
“Leela…” He groaned, pressing his forehead to mine. “Please…”
I sighed and allowed myself a moment, just one, to lean into him. “I promise.”
And I had every intention of keeping it.
Honestly, I did.
Chapter 30
It’s Getting Hot In Here
LEELA
The journey from Shantivan to Jvalantar was a blur of sea spray and nerves. Bhartina took me across on one of the fishing boats. Araz helped with the sails, making sure they were angled right as Bhartina steered.
I wanted to help, but they both insisted I sit on the bow and conserve my energy.
Energy I’d be using inside a mountain that housed a volcano, doing…I didn’t even know what. I distracted myself by watching Araz’s muscles ripple as he pulled and held the ropes that mastered the sails.
He was glorious, and he was mine, even if I couldn’t have him.
Yeah, that sounded odd, but it was the truth.
