Page 95 of In Love with Lewis Prescott
When her shocked expression turns to amused, my mouth falls open.
“An IT friend, huh? Okay then.”
She’s quiet again for several seconds while listening to whatever he’s saying. Her expression sobers before her gaze darts to me. Her brown eyes shine with concern. “I’ll ask her. Hang on.”
She lowers the phone. “He wants to talk to you. He says he wants to apologize. And tell you something.”
My heart has ceased beating completely. A strange mix of emotions is currently taking hold of me—shock that Lewis called one of my best friends in order to get in touch with me. Anger and annoyance that he’s daring to reach out after leaving so abruptly. Longing to hear his voice just one more time. Confusion at not knowing what the hell is the right thing to do.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to, Harper,” she says gently.
Boldness rockets through me. I’m not used to this, to being the weepy friend post-breakup who needs my girl squad to coddle me. And even though I acknowledge that it’s okay—healthy, even—to allow myself to run through this gamut of messy emotions, it’s also exhausting. And frustrating. And I want a break from feeling this way, even if it’s just for a minute while I tell off Lewis.
I grab the phone from Maren.
“What do you want, Lewis?”
“Harper.”
The brokenness of his tone catches me off guard. He sounds like someone just kicked him in the stomach.
I shove aside the feeling. His apparent sadness doesn’t take away the fact that he walked out on me the moment things got complicated between us. An echo of the stabbing pain I felt in my chest radiates through me as I think back on the day that he left.
I made a mistake. I let my feelings for you cloud my judgment... I can’t be with someone whose family is gonna be a liability for me—a threat to my privacy...
“Why did you call Maren?” I blurt as I refocus on the moment.
“Because I wanted to talk to you. Because I miss you. Because...”
A heavy sigh rockets from him, triggering an image of him tugging a hand through his wavy blond hair. He’d do that every time he was frustrated.
“Because I realized just how badly I fucked this up, Harper. I should never have left you. I should never have said those hurtful things about your family violating my privacy. You’re right—they didn’t mean to cause any harm, and I should have been more understanding. Your family was nothing but wonderful to me. They welcomed me into their lives, and I’m so sorry I said that about them. I was just so shocked and panicked to see all those photographers lurking outside your house and...”
His broken breath echoes in my ear.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Harper.” His voice breaks. “You’re being hounded because of me, and it kills me to think that... Look, I know I have no right to ask you to give me another chance. I know that I’m lucky to even be speaking to you right now after what I did...”
I press my eyelids shut, ignoring the fiery burn of tears, my lips trembling so hard they ache. My brain feels like someone tossed it into a blender. I can barely think, let alone process what I want in this moment. The thought of Lewis and me somehow reconciling seemed impossible even just minutes ago. But now to witness him like this—regretful and heartbroken over me—throws me off completely. I don’t know how I feel or what I want.
“Meeting you was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I was the happiest I’ve ever been when I was with you,” he says, his voice steady now. “You believed in me like no one else has before. You changed my life, Harper. And I... I know this is terrible timing, but I’m saying all this now because it’s part of why I know I fucked up so badly. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life. I think about you every day. Every day I wish I could take back what I did. I’m a broken disaster without you. I’ll never feel complete without you.”
I’m speechless for a long moment before I can find the words I want to speak.
“I’m still so hurt. I’m reeling—I have been ever since you left. And I don’t think I can be with someone who walks out on me the moment things get messy. But more than that...”
“More than what?” he says softly after I trail off.
I let out a shaky breath. “I meant everything I said about believing in you, Lewis. You’re brilliant and talented and I want you to pursue every dream you have. But even if I could get past the way you left me—even if we tried to make a relationship between us work, I don’t know how it could. You were right when you said we’re from two different worlds. You’re in LA. I’m in Half Moon Bay and San Francisco. You want to take your career to the next level, and I want to stay where I am.” I hesitate for a few seconds, letting my thoughts take shape. “Yeah, we could visit each other for a while, but how long could we keep that up until things eventually come to a head and one of us can’t take the distance anymore? It wouldn’t work. I don’t know how we can be together long-term. I mean, I’m two weeks into this paparazzi madness and I can barely handle it. If we were in a relationship, I’d have to deal with them hounding me every single day, and I just can’t do that.”
There’s a long pause.
“My world is bacon mac and cheese and loud family gatherings and working a normal nine-to-five. Your world is organic pressed juices and premieres and film sets. We’re just too different.”
Lewis starts to stammer, but then he trails off, like he’s given up on whatever he was going to say. “I understand.”
I sniffle and wipe my eyes.
“I’m sorry I’m making you cry again,” he says after a pause.
