Page 90 of In Love with Lewis Prescott
“Say exactly what you’re feeling, Harper. Look, I know that you’ve been going through the motions these past two weeks, trying to distract yourself with setting up the house and volunteering and planning your next career move,” Naomi says. “That’s all well and good, but you can’t ignore your emotions forever. You need to express them.”
“You sound like a therapist.”
“I’m married to one, so I’m probably gonna sound like this a lot.”
The start of a smile tugs at my lips, but it fades the moment I let myself think about just how hard I’ve been working to hide my emotions about my breakup with Lewis these past couple of weeks.
“I’m so fucking mad and hurt, Naomi.”
“That’s good. You have every right to be.”
I open my mouth a half dozen times, but nothing comes out. It’s like my brain is struggling to find the exact right words to express the emotions I’ve actively repressed for the past couple of weeks.
“I’m so pissed that he got mad at me for something that I didn’t do. And I’m hurt that he left instead of staying and trying to figure out a way to work through this.”
“That’s good, Harper. Really good.”
I pause to catch my breath. When my chest expands, it feels like my body is working to expend all this pain and sadness and anger with every word I speak, with every inhale and exhale.
“I’m mad that I let myself fall for him. I should have known better than to think I could have something lasting and meaningful with someone like him. And I’m pissed as hell that I believed him when he told me that he loved me and that we’d figure out a way for this—for us—to work. Clearly that was bullshit, given that he ditched me the second we hit a rough patch.”
Tears and snot drip down my face so fast, I can barely keep up even as I dab with tissue after tissue.
“I wish I’d never let him buy me that coffee. I wish I’d never let him move into my house. I wish I’d never kissed him. I wish I’d never told him I loved him. I wish... I wish...”
I stop just to let myself sob for a second.
“I wish I’d never met him.”
As the words fall from my trembling lips, my head spins. I wasn’t planning to say that. I wasn’t even thinking that.
But maybe there’s a reason I said it. Because maybe it’s true. Maybe I just didn’t realize it because I was holed up in my house, hiding away in a love bubble with Lewis for the past almost three months. Maybe because we spent all that time flirting and kissing and fucking and acting like hormonal teenagers, we were immune from reality and the everyday stresses of life. And when those finally hit us, we crumbled. We just weren’t meant to last outside the world we built together under that roof.
In that way, maybe Lewis was right. We’re from two different worlds. We could never make a relationship work.
Naomi doesn’t speak for a while. I’m guessing she’s processing my crying outburst.
“How do you feel?” she finally asks.
“Like I’ve been hit by a truck, but emotionally. If that makes sense.”
“It does.”
“Sorry I sounded like a maniac just now. It felt good to get that out, though.”
“Don’t ever apologize for saying how you feel, Harper, least of all to me. Don’t you remember how many times I’ve cried to you?”
“Thanks, Naomi.”
“It’ll get better. I promise it will.”
“I hope so,” I say, having zero faith that it actually will.
I check the time and see that I’m due inside in two minutes. “I have to go.”
“Okay, but you’re seeing Maren tonight, right?”
“Yeah, she’s coming to stay with me at the house so that I won’t be alone.”
