Page 110 of Snow, Ice, and Spice
Her gaze softens. She presses her eyes shut. “Theo, I don’t know if I can do this.”
I stumble back a step. It feels like I’ve been punched in the stomach. Where the hell did that come from?
“What are you talking about?” I ask.
Her shoulders fall as she lets out another heavy sigh. “These past two months with you have been amazing. But I don’t know if we’re meant to last longer than that.”
My mouth hangs open. “Maya, what are you saying?” I let out a laugh of pure disbelief. My head feels so heavy all of a sudden with the impact of what she’s saying. Tonight has been perfect. Everything between us was perfect up until I walked into the lounge. What went wrong?
“I don’t understand…” I trail off, mystified.
“Theo, I’m so, so happy that you’re back on the team. Watching you tonight on the ice was incredible. That’s where you belong.”
A sad smile tugs at her lips. I’m so confused.
“But now that you’re back on the team, you’ll be traveling for away games. You’ll be playing and training constantly. We’ll hardly see each other.”
Shit. She thinks things between us are going to change now that I’m playing again.
“You can come with me,” I say quickly, my brain scrambling to think of every reason why we can make this work. “Lots of players’ wives and girlfriends come to the away games.”
She crosses her arms and frowns. “I have my own life and my own career goals, Theo. You can’t just expect me to follow you around and put myself on the back burner.”
“What? Of course I don’t expect you to do that. Maya, I’d never in a million years want you to put yourself second like that.”
I go quiet, shocked that she’d think that. I was the one who encouraged her to pursue her earring business. Why would she think I’d want her to put that on hold?
“Theo, I heard your teammates’ wives talk about how much they have to put aside in their own lives to be in a relationship with their husbands. It’s no joke. They schedule their work, their education, and even the births of their children around hockey. That might work for them, but I’m not willing to do that.”
My head is spinning as she speaks. I didn’t even think about all that. She’s right though. Our hockey schedules are non-negotiable. I never thought about how the significant others of the guys on my team felt about it though, how drastically it affects their lives too.
Still though, I’m not ready to give up on my relationship with Maya.
“Two months hiding away in a cabin in the mountains is one thing,” she says, the look in her eyes pained. “But that was a fantasy. This is reality. And I don’t think it can work for us. Either I have to give something up or you do. And I don’t think either of us is ready to do that.” She sounds so certain, like she won’t ever change her mind.
Panic grabs hold of me. It feels like an invisible fist is crushing my lungs. With every second that passes, I’m getting closer and closer to losing her…
“We’ll figure something out.” I grab her by the waist and pull her close to me. When she stiffens under my touch, it feels like a punch to my stomach.
I try to ignore the pain and focus on doing whatever I need to get Maya to give me a chance—giveusa chance.
She blinks as she looks at me, her burnt-umber eyes shiny with unshed tears. She sniffles. “It won’t work, Theo. I can’t follow you around for us to have a shot at making this work. And there’s no way you can compromise with your hockey career.”
It feels like my chest is folding in on itself. Even breathing hurts. Just the thought of losing Maya sends me into a spiral.
I grab her by the waist and pull her against me. I expect her to instantly step away, but she doesn’t. It feels like the tiniest win in this moment when I feel like I’m about to lose her for good.
“Maya, please don’t give up on us.” I press my lips to her forehead and breathe in her sugary flower scent I love so much.
“I’m sorry, Theo. I can’t.” Her whisper is a knife in my heart.
I lean back and drop my hands from her. When I look down at her, her cheeks are shiny with tears. I don’t know how long we stand there and stare at each other, but it feels like minutes. The whole time her words echo in my head. And then it dawns on me…
“You think I’m going to hurt you like your dad hurt your mom, don’t you?”
Her eyes widen the slightest bit before she blinks. She wraps her arms around herself and takes a step back, like she’s trying to protect herself. From me. Fuck, that hurts.
“Maya, do you honestly think I’d do that to you? Do you really think I’d just leave you and expect you to wait around for me? That I’d take you for granted like that?”
