Page 119 of Snow, Ice, and Spice
But that was before, when I was reckless. I’m different now. Better. Hopefully.
I let out a breath. “I didn’t say anything because I was still working out my feelings for her. It, uh…” I scrub a hand over my face. “It took you going out with her to make me realize how much I liked her and cared about her.”
For a few seconds, he looks at me. “Huh. I guess that kinda makes sense.”
He shoves his hands in his jacket pocket and stares at his shoes. “So that’s why she never called me after our date. She was with you.”
He doesn’t say it like he’s pissed or hurt. More like he’s just making an observation.
“Yeah. Look, I’m sorry for how I acted earlier. That was fucked up.”
He shrugs. “I get it.”
It takes all the strength I possess to say these next words. But I do it. Because it’s the truth. And I need to accept it, even if it cuts me to the core.
“But Maya and I aren’t together anymore. So if you’re interested in her still, you’re free to call or text her.”
The words are bitter on my tongue. Just the thought of Maya with anyone else makes me want to punch a hole through the wall. But that’s my problem, no one else’s. That’s for me and only me to grapple with.
My stomach churns as I force away the thought and grab my gym bag. I start to head out of the locker room, but Xander stops me.
“Dude, do you think I’m that big of a piece of shit? I’m not gonna call her. Not when it’s clear as fucking day that you’re in love with her.”
I spin around to him, shocked.
He chuckles. “Don’t act so surprised. I know I’m a dumbass. I know the only two things I’m good at in life are hockey and fucking. But I’m not completely hopeless. I can read people just as well as anyone else can. And it’s written all over your face, man. You’re in love with Maya.”
I’m stunned at Xander’s spot-on assessment of me.
“It doesn’t matter,” I finally say. “She ended it.”
“Why?”
I almost laugh. Never in a million years did I think I’d be having a heart-to-heart about relationships with Xander, my fellow manwhore.
But I never thought I’d enjoy coaching a kids’ hockey camp. I never thought I’d fall in love with my cousin’s best friend. Weird shit happens sometimes. You just gotta go with it.
“She couldn’t picture a future with me because of my job. It’s not easy being with a hockey player. We travel all the time. Our schedule is nuts. I don’t blame her.” I swallow hard. “It still hurts though.”
“That sucks, man. I’m sorry you’re going through it.”
Xander’s words are weirdly comforting. I think he actually means what he says.
“Thanks,” I say. My heart still feels like it’s been thrown in a shredder and my chest still throbs, but this conversation with Xander has helped a lot.
He walks over to me and smacks my shoulder. “Hang in there. You’ll be okay.” He walks off.
I stand there alone. “I don’t know about that.”
Chapter41
Maya
“Can’t you believe how warm it is?” Ingrid puts on a giant sunhat as we walk to the resort pool. “It’s the dead of winter and seventy degrees. God, I love Arizona.”
I force out a laugh. “I know, it’s great.”
I follow behind her. We sit at a couple of lounge chairs near the edge of the pool and gaze out at the desert landscape in the distance. It’s a blanket of sandy-red rock dotted with green cacti and shrubs against purple mountains. It’s our first day at Civana, a wellness resort just outside of Phoenix that invited Ingrid to stay for free in exchange for her posting about the resort on her social media.
