Page 53 of Stay
Miranda and Lexie had refused from the beginning to take skating lessons. He didn’t bother trying to get them to play hockey. I, on the other hand, had loved it from the very first lesson. Sometimes I wonder if the reason I’d loved it so much was because we were the only two who shared it. Hockey was a bond that neither my mom nor my sisters could penetrate.
Seven o’clock practices on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Weekend tournaments spent out-of-town. College camps and recruiting trips. And then we’d hit a few classic car shows. It was always the two of us.
Me and my dad.
Last year ripped our relationship to shreds.
And now, we were nothing more than strangers. Actually, we were much worse than strangers because his anger and disgust were palpable and cut me to the quick.
My shoulders collapse. “Do you want the equipment back?”
“No, just take it.” He shoves his hands deep into the pockets of his pants before walking over to the picture window overlooking the tree line at the back of the yard. There’s a thick layer of vibrantly-colored leaves carpeting the ground.
“Who’s the guy?” There is so much accusation riddled throughout the barked-out question. Without glancing at me, he shakes his head in disapproval. “Guess I should have known better than to expect you to pull your shit together.”
My chest grows tight as I force out a response. “It isn’t like that, Dad. Cole is just a friend.”
Lie.
Cole is way more than a friend.
He wheels around, his furious gaze searing mine. “You fail out again and you’re on your own. We won’t give you any more money, and neither will your grandparents. There comes a time when you have to grow up and make adult decisions, and that time is now, Cassidy.” He drags a hand through his thick black hair. “I don’t understand where we went so wrong with you, I really don’t.”
Why can’t he see that I made a mistake?
All right, a lot of them.
But still…that doesn’t mean they raised me wrong, or I can’t learn and grow from the experience and somehow, eventually, come out better because of it. He refuses to consider that possibility. He doesn’t want to see that I’m trying to undo the damage I inflicted on all of us. His anger and disgust hurt more than I want to admit.
“I’m not going to fail out,” I whisper.
There’s no way I’ll allow that to happen again.
He scrubs a hand over his face as if he doesn’t know what to do with himself. “Yeah, well, you’ll excuse me if I have a difficult time believing anything that comes out of your mouth.”
I chew my lower lip. It’s the physical discomfort that stops me from focusing on the pain he’s so intent on inflicting.
“It’s not like that. I’m doing really well.” Why am I bothering to explain? He doesn’t want to hear me. But I can’t seem to stop myself. “And I’m tutoring other students at the tutoring center to make extra cash.” It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him that Dr. Thompson thinks I’m improving, but he doesn’t know I’ve been seeing a shrink, and I’m not about to let that particular cat out of the bag. It would only fan the flames of his fury.
“I guess we’ll see what your grades look like in December,” he grunts.
Everything inside me deflates. I can’t believe how poorly this interaction has gone. “Yeah, I guess so.” I just want to get the hell out of here. Neither of us seem ready for a civil conversation.
Maybe we never will be.
“Okay. Well…” I can’t do this anymore. I just…can’t.
My chest has tightened with the thick tendrils of anxiety weaving their way around it. Slowly, I inch my way toward the front door. Toward Cole and the Mustang parked out front. Toward the freedom of school, and away from the claustrophobia attempting to suffocate the life out of me.
Just as I slink into the hallway, he fires off another question.
“Why did you want your hockey gear? Are you playing again?” His thick brows are knit tightly together as if he can’t believe I would have the audacity to step foot on the ice again.
I shake my head, all the while continuing to put more distance between us. “Cole plays for the Western Timber Wolves, and sometimes we skate together. I wanted to use my own equipment. It’s been a while…” My voice trails off awkwardly.
He makes a noncommittal sound from deep in his throat. “Hmmm.”
Thankfully, I’ve become pleasantly numb to his disapproval.
