Page 54 of Stay
I point to the front door. “Cole’s waiting, and I need to get back to school.”
“Yeah, fine.” He adds just the right amount of derision to make me cringe. “Thanks for stopping by.”
There’s nothing I can say, since we both know this wasn’t a visit. I did exactly what he accused me of earlier. I crept into the house when I’d thought no one would be around. And I’d been caught red-handed.
I should have realized it wouldn’t go smoothly.
“Okay.” With that last mumbled word, I race from the house as if I’m fleeing the scene of a heinous crime. The front door slams shut behind me as I barrel down the drive, hurtling myself into the Mustang idling alongside the curb.
The moment I sink onto the front seat, I inhale a lungful of air before forcing it out again as Cole pulls away from the house that is no longer my home. A reluctant glance over my shoulder shows Dad on the front porch, his hands hanging limply at his sides as hewatches us drive away. Once we round the corner, I swivel around before leaning back and closing my eyes.
That was so much worse than I could have imagined.
I’m so lost in the turmoil of my own thoughts that I jump at the sound of his soft voice.
“Are you okay?”
My eyelids snap open as I stare sightlessly out the front windshield. I can’t bring myself to meet his gaze. Embarrassment bubbles up inside me like a geyser, until I want to sink through the leather seat.
“I’m fine.”
But I’m not.
I’m so far from fine that it’s not even funny. Now that I’m safely away from the situation, a fine tremble racks my body. Cole’s fingers settle over my hand before clasping it. Only then do I force my gaze to meet his.
Questions, a million of them, swim around in his concerned depths.
He deserves the answers, but I can’t bring myself to talk about it. I don’t want his opinion of me to change. He knows, well…he’s getting to know the girl I am now. I don’t want him knowing anything about the girl I once was.
“That was certainly awkward,” he says, pulling onto the highway and leaving behind the small city where I grew up in the rearview mirror.
A strangled laugh fizzes up inside me.
I have no idea why the comment strikes me as funny. It’s either laugh or cry at this point, and I refuse to shed one more tear over last year.
“I’m really sorry about that.”
When it becomes obvious that I won’t be saying anything more, he clears his throat and glances at me. There’s understanding within his gaze, but there’s also a desire to figure out what I’m keeping from him.
“Are you going to tell me what that was all about?” His words are light, almost casually spoken, as if he knows how far he can push me.
There are a hundred different ways I could answer that question.
But…
“I’m sorry, I can’t right now.”
As I glance at our entwined fingers, Dr. Thompson’s comments roll unwantedly through my head. Everything my father hurtled at me unwittingly echoes them.
Maybe they’re right.
Maybe, in order to save myself, I need to pull back from Cole.
I need to show my family that I’m serious about getting my life back on track. And this year—this semester—is my chance to prove that what happened last year was a fluke. A series of poorly made decisions strung together into one giant clusterfuck.
As my gaze slides to Cole, my heart spasms, knowing it won’t be the only thing I end up regretting.
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