Page 86 of Stay
Dr. Thompson nods, agreeing with everything I’ve voiced. “It certainly sounds like you’ve learned a lot about yourself and what you’re capable of doing when life doesn’t go your way. You need to give yourself a little credit. It took a lot of courage for you to return to school this fall after failing. Not to mention, you’ve picked up a hockey stick and are playing again.”
A lump settles in the middle of my throat.
She leans forward. “You should be proud of yourself. Everything you’ve achieved this semester has been hard-fought, and you shouldn’t discount that because you perceive your freshman year to be a failure. From where I’m sitting, you’ve grown quite a bit as aperson, and you’ve learned a lot of important life lessons that will stick with you for the rest of your life.”
I wish my parents could see everything through her lens.
She straightens on her seat before changing the subject. “How is everything going with the boy you’ve been seeing?”
I’m about to say his name before she stops me. “Just use a first initial. I see a lot of students on campus, and I want to keep things as private and separate as I can, okay?”
“Yeah.” Knowing that she’s safeguarding my personal information as well, makes me feel more at ease. I decide to use the initial of his last name. “Umm, M.”
“Are you and M still seeing each other?”
Sometimes it’s difficult to believe how much Cole has come to mean to me in such a short period of time. “Yes, we’re still going out.”
“Tell me how the relationship is progressing.”
She jots down a few notes as I talk. “It’s really good.” I laugh just a little bit before shaking my head. “I know I keep saying that everything is good, but it really is. I like him a lot. He’s so different from any other guy I’ve been with.”
She studies me before asking, “Are you being careful?”
It takes a moment for her meaning to sink in. When it finally does, I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “We’re using condoms and I’ve made an appointment at the student clinic on campus for birth control.” Heat floods my cheeks as I force myself to hold her gaze.
“Have you opened up about last year?”
My mouth turns cottony. “We’re going out to dinner tonight, and I’m going to tell him everything.”
“How does that make you feel?”
“Nervous.”
“Being vulnerable with another person can be difficult. But it’s the only way to have an honest relationship.” She pauses before searching my eyes. “Do you feel panicky? I know discussing this subject with M probably feels scary.”
I close my eyes to better assess the way my body feels. My heart is pounding a little harder than normal and my chest is a bit tight, butit’s not terrible. It certainly isn’t debilitating. I can breathe through it using the techniques I’ve learned.
“I’m all right, but I know I’ll be nervous when it comes time to tell him.”
“Maybe you should consider having this conversation when you’re alone and not in the middle of a crowded restaurant being interrupted by the waitstaff. What do you think about that?”
I turn her words over in my head. “Yeah, that might work better. Maybe we can stop somewhere on the way home or go back to his place and talk.”
“That sounds like a good plan.” She searches my gaze. “If this boy is the person you think he is, then he’ll understand that everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect.” There’s a pause before she adds, “At some point,youneed to forgive yourself for what happened.”
I nod, praying she’s right and Cole will understand that I’m not the same girl I was last year.
As far as forgiving myself…
Well, I’m nowhere ready to do that. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for throwing everything away.
22
CASSIDY
“I’ve never been here before.” My fingers fidget with my skirt before smoothing the fabric out. The only thing I can focus on is that by the end of the evening, Cole will know all of my secrets.
As the hostess seats us in the dining room, her gaze continuously strays to Cole. It’s almost comical how oblivious he is to her lingering looks. A grin springs to my lips as she returns to the front of the restaurant.
