Page 5 of All That Glitters
“As I live and breathe. Ashton Glitterati is gracing me with his presence.”
I turned my head in the direction of the voice. Karl Kasen. Championship car chief.
“Shit. Don’t be like that.” I grinned. “Hey man.”
“I’ve been wondering when you’d come see me. We’re cutting it close.” He started to close the distance between us and I forced myself to meet him halfway. I could do this. I could do all of this.
“Missed me, have you?”
We hugged when we were close enough and I didn’t hug just anyone. I was grateful for the embrace, though. It gave me a chance to hold onto something solid and blink a few times. I couldn’t risk being seen with confusion or anything less than sharp focus in my eyes.
“You know the answer to that,” he said when we parted. His features began to clear and his shrewd gaze unnerved me a little. He didn’t miss anything. “How are you feeling?”
Scared shitless. “I’m good.”
Lying to Karl wasn’t something I should ever do and it wasn’t something I’d ever done before. Lying to him could lead to some very bad results both in the car and out of it. I’d known him since I started racing. He’d worked on every race car I’d driven, from karts all the way to the series championship a couple of seasons ago.
Hell, he taught me everything I knew.
And the wreck had been hard on him, too. I hadn’t paid enough attention to anyone else really to understand how what happened on the track affected them. No driver raced without a hell of a lot of help. I’d been stuck in my own world, though. I was still stuck in my own world, but I honestly didn’t know how else to be anymore.
No one else could recover for me. No one else could fix what was wrong with me. No one else could get me through this. Not this part of it.
I’d never felt so alone.
If I told him the truth, he’d try to help me work through it, but it would also mean that I’d be forced to sit out the start of the season and maybe even for the duration until the start of next season.
So, I had to lie.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Why doesn’t anyone believe me when I say that?”
“Because you’ve been through some kind of hell, that’s why. It would be more than okay if you said you weren’t good.”
I pondered my next words carefully.
“We both know I can’t do that.”
His eyes narrowed and I fought the urge to hide. I faced his scrutiny with a defiance I needed to cloak myself in. It needed to become my armor.
“Okay. What are you here for? You don’t want to take a car out in this mess, do you? Not for your first time in months…”
“No. But I… I want to see the car.”
“Do you think that’s a good idea, Ash?”
“Maybe not, but I need to.”
He stared at me, challenging my words without saying anything. I sighed.
“It’s another piece of the puzzle I need to face. I don’t think I can put it fully behind me if I don’t see it for myself. Please tell me you understand that, Karl.”
I didn’t know what more to say, but it didn’t seem that I needed to say anything else. He nodded, albeit reluctantly, and turned around, walking toward the set of double doors at the back of the room.
I took a deep breath to steady myself as a line of cars came into view, their gleaming wraps mirrored on the highly polished floor.
I missed the sights, the smells, the precious atmosphere. I’d taken all this for granted and I chastised myself for it. It was hallowed ground just as the tracks were. It was gifted to so few people at a time, gifted to the most worthy.
