Page 113 of Toxic Salvation
“Good man.” Kovan pats him on the back.
“I’m happy you’re going to have this baby, Vesper,” Luka says softly. “It means that you can’t ever leave us.”
I bite my lip. “I don’t plan on leaving you, sweetheart.”
“Dad said the same thing,” Luka retorts. “And then he died.”
The conversation we’d had over dinner with Charity and Pavel is still fresh in my mind. Kovan and I had planned to tell Luka about the guardianship arrangements, too, so that he would be prepared. But as I look into his sweet, trusting face, I realize that no amount of preparation can get any kid ready for the reality of losing a parent.
So, I keep my mouth shut.
And I hold him close for as long as I can.
Because I know that, in this world, in Kovan’s world, nothing is ever guaranteed. Not safety, not security, and certainly not tomorrow.
But right now, we have this moment. We have each other.
That has to be enough.
39
VESPER
“Hey, grumpy,” I say, walking into the kitchen. “What’s with the sour face?”
Waylen hunches over his cereal bowl, shoveling huge spoonfuls into his mouth like he hasn’t eaten in days. “Doesn’t your boyfriend have anything better to do on Saturday morning than flirt with our dying mother?” he mumbles through a full mouth.
I pause. “You’re grumpy about Kovan and Mom?”
“They’re in her room right now. Laughing. Playing cards. Having the time of their lives.” He swallows. “She kicked me out. Actually, she told me to go get some food so she and Kovan could ‘catch up.’ Like they don’t catch up every damn day.” He pitches his voice high to imitate her. ‘Go get something to eat, honey. Kovan and I can chit-chat.’ It’s weird, Vesper. Don’t you think it’s fucking weird?”
I lean my hip against the counter. “It sounds like you’re jealous.”
He scoffs. “Of what? You were Dad’s favorite. I was supposed to be Mom’s. But your boyfriend swooped in and stole my spot.” His face falls. “Okay, maybe I am jealous.”
“For what it’s worth, I don’t get their connection, either.”
“That’s because it’s unnatural! A thirty-five-year-old crime boss shouldn’t be best friends with a sixty-year-old cancer patient.”
I sigh, already exhausted even though it’s barely eight in the morning. “You’re overthinking it.”
He shakes his head. “I need to get my own place. Living here with you and Mom is turning me back into a teenager.”
“Good. At least you’re aware of it.”
He stands and picks up his bowl to dump it in the sink. “I’m going to find Luka,” he says. “You should check on Mom. Pretty sure she’s trying to steal your man.”
I swat him with a kitchen towel, but the moment he disappears upstairs, I’m walking down the hall toward Mom’s room.
I’m not jealous. Not exactly. It’s just confusing how easily Kovan charmed her. I’ve spent thirty-one years trying to get close to my mother, and he waltzed in and became her favorite person in no time at all.
Laughter drifts from Mom’s room. I crack the door open and peer inside. They’re too absorbed in their card game to notice me.
“Good game,” Mom says, pushing her cards toward Kovan. “You make smart moves.”
“My smartest move was getting involved with your daughter,” Kovan replies. “I hope you know I plan on marrying her.”
My breath stops.
