Page 114 of Toxic Salvation
“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Mom says with a saucy wink. “Just hurry up about it. I want to be there when my girl walks down the aisle.”
“She hasn’t said yes yet, Annabelle.”
“She will. She’s madly in love with you.”
I’m not sure how I feel about Mom speaking for me. Though in this case, she’s right.
“Sometimes, I worry she doesn’t know what she’s signing up for,” Kovan muses. “I know she’s a doctor. She’s seen blood and death. She deals with extreme situations every day. But it’s not the same thing.”
“No, it’s not,” Mom agrees. “But telling her won’t make any difference, Kovan. Her mind’s made up. Just like mine was with Thomas.”
“Was he as devoted to you as you were to him?”
I press closer to the door. Maybe this is why they get along so well—they can discuss things I’ve never been able to talk about with Mom.
“He was devoted to his work,” Mom admits. “I knew his patients came first. Vesper won’t be as understanding.”
“I already know that.”
I frown. How can they be so sure about my reactions when I don’t even know myself?
“She was the center of her father’s world, and she’ll expect to be yours,” Mom continues. “She has high standards. That’s inconvenient sometimes, but it’s also good.”
“I want to make her happy.”
“Then be honest with her. It’s the only thing that works. I think my inability to be truthful with Vesper is why we were never as close as we could have been. Now, I might be running out of time.”
“You’re honest with her now. Better late than never.”
“Except I’m not,” Mom says. I lean closer. “I told Vesper I fought Thomas about the Keres. That I urged him to stop. That I kicked him out of the house. But it’s not true.”
“It’s not?”
“I was upset when I found out. Heartbroken, really. But it never crossed my mind to kick Thomas out or make him stop. I was never going to leave him. I loved him too much. I knew I couldn’t live without him. It was cowardly and weak, but that’s the choice I made.”
“Why didn’t you tell Vesper that?”
“Because I was ashamed. And because those high standards she has make it impossible for me to open up to her the way I can with you. She’ll judge me. I can’t bear to disappoint her. Her father did that just fine by himself.”
“You underestimate your daughter, Annabelle. She’s stronger than you think.”
“I know she is. I’m sayingI’mnot strong enough. I’d rather she think of me as better than I am.”
My heart aches as I close the door quietly and walk away.
I’m not an eavesdropper. Never have been. Which makes it ironic that, a few hours later, I find myself on the wrong side of a door for the second time today.
Though technically, this isn’ttrulyeavesdropping. Kovan and I are supposed to tuck Luka in together. I was about to walk in when I heard Luka ask a question that made me freeze.
“Is Vesper my mom now?”
I creep closer so I don’t miss Kovan’s answer.
“Vesper is like your mom, isn’t she?” Kovan says. “She does everything a mom’s supposed to do. Takes you to school, tucks you in at night. Most importantly, she loves you.”
“But does she love me likeanykid or likeherkid?”
I press my hand to my chest.
