Page 153 of Toxic Salvation
“I’m in good hands here.”
We spend the next half hour finishing dinner. More precisely, Luka and Waylen finish dinner while I sit by the wayside and pretend I’m helping by peeling exactly three carrots. Luka takes his cooking very seriously, measuring seasonings carefully andstirring the sauce in precise, methodical circles. Waylen lets him take the lead and offers gentle suggestions when needed.
It’s domestic and perfect. Everything I never knew I wanted.
“Mom?” Luka slides up to the counter across from me, flour dusting his dark hair. “Baby Vitalii is named after two people, right? My dad and your dad?”
Waylen glances at me from the stove. I can see him calculating whether he should run interference.
“That’s right,” I say.
“You lost your dad, too?”
“Several years ago.”
“What was he like?”
Waylen turns off the burner and joins us at the counter. He’s probably wondering if I want backup for this conversation. But Luka deserves honest answers, even when they’re complicated.
“He was a doctor, too, like me,” I say. “He was a good father, but he was also a very flawed man.”
“Flawed… Does that mean he was bad?” Luka’s forehead wrinkles.
“To some people, he probably was. But to me, he was the best. I have to accept that I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did.”
“Oh.” Luka processes this. “Do you wish he was here?”
I pause, trying to answer honestly without overwhelming him. It’s not a question I’ve wanted to examine too closely. “Somedays, I do wish he was here. And other days, it’s just simpler that he’s not.”
“Why?”
“One day, I’ll explain it all to you, Luka. But it’s complicated and you might not be able to understand all of it yet. Let’s just say, my father wasn’t as brave or as strong as your papa. He couldn’t do what needed to be done.”
“Then how come you named Tali after him?”
“Because he wasn’t all badallthe time, Luka. Very few people are.”
“I think my mom is,” Luka mutters. “She’s bad all the time. And she makes me feel really sad sometimes.”
I reach across the counter and take his small hand in mine. “She’s not here, Luka. She can’t hurt you anymore. Papa and I won’t let her.”
“You promise?”
“I promise. We won’t let anyone hurt you. Not now, not ever.”
His face sags with relief. “Can I go check on the baby?”
“Of course, kiddo. Go ahead.”
He races off toward the stairs.
When he’s gone, Waylen releases a long exhale and shakes his head. “That came out of left field.”
“It’s natural for him to be curious. There’s going to come a day when he wants all the information.”
“You’re going to tell him the truth?”
“If he’s old enough to ask the questions, then he’s old enough to hear the answers. And I’m not interested in creating this perfect image of what Dad was. That’s a lie. I plan on being honest with my kids. Always. The way Dad never was with us.”
