Page 179 of Toxic Salvation
“I know you don’t understand why?—”
“But I do,” I interrupt. “I don’t like it, but I understand it. You need to be seen as invincible. You need to inspire trust and faith so your men will follow you anywhere, even into hell if necessary. It’s something Ihor will never have, Kovan. You should be proud of that.”
He brushes a wet strand of hair away from my face. “Maybe you do understand.”
“I told you I could handle this world, Kovan. It’s brutal—I’m aware of that. But I think I have what it takes to not just survive in it, but to thrive.”
He smiles then, the first real smile I’ve seen from him all day. “How could I have ever doubted you?”
“Because youshouldhave doubted me. I doubted myself. If I’m being honest, there was a time when I didn’t think I could do it, either.”
“What changed?”
“You changed everything,” I explain. “You made vows to me. You made me your wife. You showed me what a real partnership looks like. And I realized that, as long as you’re beside me, I can handle anything.”
His hands slide around my neck, thumbs stroking along my jawline. “You are an extraordinary woman, Vesper Fairfax.”
“And I could only ever love an extraordinary man,” I murmur, pressing closer to him. “You spent the entire day taking care of everyone else. Now, let me take care of you.”
I can tell it doesn’t come easily for him—putting himself in someone else’s hands. Even mine. His muscles tense as I place my palms flat against his chest, feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my touch.
“Vesper…” he starts.
“Shh,” I hum softly, slowly sinking to my knees on the shower floor. “The time for talking is over, husband. Let me take care of you now.”
He stares down at me, water trickling between the ridges of his abs as I wrap my hand around his hardening length. I take my time at first. I stroke, I tease, I press soft kisses to his hip bones while he grips the shower walls on either side of us.
When I finally take him into my mouth, he shudders and seems to melt against the tile. All it takes is that first touch of my tongue, and he’s mine—ready to surrender this terrible day to me.
This is what our partnership will look like, I realize. He’ll be the leader for the world to see. Thepakhan, the don, the man with no weaknesses and no flaws.
But behind closed doors, he can let his guard down. He can be human.
And, far from being his weakness, I can be his strength.
I take him deeper. His fingers tangle in my wet hair as he exhales my name. He tastes clean from the shower, masculine and perfect. He’s so hard I can barely fit him in my mouth, but I’m nothing if not determined.
Opening wider, I work my head back and forth, letting his tip reach the back of my throat.
“Christ,” he groans, his grip tightening on my scalp. “Baby, yes… just like that…”
I take my time with him. I lap at him with my tongue until I can take him completely. When I’m ready, I swallow him so deep I can feel him hit the back of my throat, and when he starts breathing harder, thrusting with increasing urgency, I hold steady. I take his pain, his stress, his exhaustion—everything he gives me.
And when he comes with a broken gasp that makes my core clench with need, I drink him in and swallow every drop.
That’s what a good wife does.
61
VESPER
It’s a good day.
I’m back in my pre-baby jeans without having to lie down on the bed to zip them. My boobs look fantastic with some extra padding, courtesy of my always-hungry baby boy. And Kovan has agreed to let me visit St. Raphael’s to check on my patients and have a face-to-face discussion with Richard.
The word “let” grates on me, but I push the irritation down.Pick your battles, Vesper.
It takes me about an hour to check in with all my patients and have a pow-wow with Dr. Walters about their statuses. There’s a tiny part of me that’s annoyed by how well she’s doing in my absence. My replacement is competent, thorough, and the kids love her. I should be thrilled. Instead, I feel oddly territorial about my job, which makes me feel petty and small.
