Page 88 of Toxic Salvation
My jaw drops. Talk about being called out.
The accusation stuns me into silence. I turn to Mom to gauge her reaction. She looks equally shocked, and it’s actually given her cheeks some color.
“We’re family!” Waylen continues, pacing to the window. “We have to be able to talk to each other. Even when it’s hard.”
I shuffle closer to Mom’s bedside, biting my lip. “He has a point.”
Mom sighs deeply. “I’m not the one who’s been avoiding you, honey.”
I perch on the edge of her bed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have avoided you. Especially since we’re living in the same house. It’s just… It’s not easy for me to talk to you about this.”
“Your father was always the one you preferred talking to. He was my go-to, also.” She smooths her blanket with shaky fingers. “But maybe we can be more honest with each other than he ever was with us?”
“Yeah.” I exhale. “Maybe you’re right.”
“You want to go first?”
I glance at Waylen, who gives me an encouraging nod. I swallow hard and decide to just say it.
“I’m mad at you, Mom,” I begin. “I feel terrible about that because you’re sick and I should be able to let this go, but I am mad and I can’t pretend anymore.”
Mom doesn’t look shocked. She doesn’t even look hurt. “I can understand that.”
“You can?”
“You’re mad because I didn’t force your father to change. To stop what he was doing and try to be a better man, a better doctor. Am I close?”
I chew my lip harder. “That’s part of it.”
“Would it help you to know that I tried?”
I hold my breath. “Did you?”
“We had a huge fight about it when I first found out.” Mom’s fingers worry the edge of her blanket. “Waylen had already moved out for college and you were still in high school. I remember exactly when it happened because it was right after your seventeenth birthday. There was still leftover cake in the fridge.”
Waylen moves to the other side of Mom’s bed. From his expression, this is news to him, too.
“A man came to visit your father at home that morning, right after you’d left for school. Scary-looking guy with these piercing eyes. He was very polite, but there was something about him that made my skin crawl. I was bringing them coffee when Ioverheard part of their conversation. It shook me to my core. So when he left, I confronted Thomas.”
“Did Dad deny it?” Waylen asks.
“He tried to at first. Then he finally broke down and admitted I was right. That he was involved in something bad. I didn’t know the details, but I knew enough to understand that what he was doing was completely unethical. Criminal. I asked him to stop, and he told me he was in too deep.” Mom’s eyes fill with tears. “So I kicked him out.”
“What?” I gasp. “I don’t remember that.”
“Because you thought he was going to an emergency medical conference in Cincinnati.” Mom’s hands tremble slightly. “He packed a bag and left. That evening, he sent me a five-page email with instructions about his will, his assets, where the money was kept, and what to do if he ever went missing.”
Waylen and I exchange a look. I hate that I’m wondering if that email was actual concern on Dad’s part, or just manipulation.
“That email scared the life out of me.” Mom’s voice wavers. “I spent that entire weekend sick with indecision. But by Monday, I realized I’d rather keep my husband, flaws and all, than live without him. So I called him and told him to come home. He promised me he would try to find a safe way out of the ring, and I took him at his word.”
“He continued working for the ring for years after that, Mom,” I point out.
“He was terrified. For his life, for ours. So he did what he did to protect us.” She holds up a hand when Waylen starts to interrupt. “I made sure we never spent a dime of the money heearned from the ring. That money went into separate accounts, and we donated it to charities throughout the year.”
Waylen rubs his temples. “That doesn’t make up for what he did, Mom.”
“I know that, honey.” Frustration creeps into her voice. “But it was the best we could do at the time. When your father was diagnosed, he and I both knew it was the easiest way out of the ring. And I suppose it was divine retribution for what he’d done.”
