Page 115 of Toxic Temptation
“Can we watch a movie tonight?” Luka looks up at me with puppy dog eyes. “Please?”
I cup his cheeks in my hands. “How could I say no to that face?”
After Waylen says his goodbyes, I’m setting up the movie when I notice Luka stealing glances at me every few seconds.
“Everything okay, sweetheart?” I ask while I fiddle with the remote.
He nods, but his whole body goes tense. As we settle onto the couch, he leans against me and reaches for my hand.
I almost pull away automatically. Kovan’s warnings play in my head like a broken record.
Don’t get involved. Don’t parent him. Don’t get attached.
Now, Waylen’s voice joins the chorus, warning me not to fall in love.
I’m so paralyzed by all of it that I don’t know how to act around this child anymore.
“Vesper?” His voice is small and uncertain.
“Yes, baby?”
“Are you mad at me?”
“Of course not!” I say, turning to face him. “What makes you think that?”
His bottom lip trembles. “Because of what happened. Because my mom yelled at you.”
I slide off the couch and kneel in front of him. “I would never be angry at you for something your mother did. Not ever. I promise.”
He bites his lip. “But you haven’t been around lately. I haven’t seen you at all.”
Guilt crashes over me in waves. “I’ve been working double shifts, remember? It had nothing to do with you. I didn’t even think you’d notice.”
“Of course I noticed. I really like spending time with you.”
Waves upon waves, relentless, never-ending, the guilt threatening to drown me. “I’m sorry, Luka. I never meant to make you feel like I was upset with you.”
“So you’re not going away?”
The question is a minefield. I know I should be careful, that I should think about Kovan’s boundaries. But looking at this scared little boy, I can’t bring myself to care.
“Where would I even go?”
“I don’t know.” He drops to a whisper. “Somewhere far. Somewhere I couldn’t see you or talk to you anymore.” His eyes fill with tears.
I let him sit and hiccup for a few seconds. “You miss your dad a lot, don’t you?”
He glances at me nervously, then nods. “My mom hates when I talk about him.”
“I’m not like your mom.” I take his hand and squeeze it. “I think talking about the people we’ve lost is healthy. You know, I lost my dad, too. A few years ago.”
His eyes widen. “Was it horrible?”
“It was the worst thing I’ve ever lived through. There were days when I missed him so much, my whole body ached.”
“That happens to me, too.”
“Of course it does. It’s completely normal.”
