Page 201 of Toxic Temptation
But right now, the silence aches.
“What do you want, Vesper?” Kovan’s question comes out of nowhere. “I mean, what do you really want? Not for the custody case or the hospital situation. For yourself.”
“I… I don’t know what you mean.”
“I think you do.” He pivots on his stool to face me fully. “You’ve spent your whole adult life focused on work. On saving other people. But what do you want for your own life?”
I stare down at my coffee, watching the surface ripple as my hands shake. “I used to think I had it all figured out. Work until I couldn’t anymore. Dedicate my life to medicine. Never get too attached to anything or anyone because attachment means vulnerability.”
“And now?”
“Now… this.” I wave one hand around to encompass the room we’re in. “Now, I’m sitting in a strange kitchen, worried sick about a kid who isn’t even mine, falling for a man who’s almost certainly going to break my heart.” I laugh miserably. “So much for having it all figured out.”
Kovan reaches over and covers my hand with his. “Who says I’m going to break your heart?”
“Come on.” I pull my hand away and stand up. I need distance. “You’re Kovan Krayev. You don’t do relationships. You don’t do feelings. And you can promise me the moon—you have—but I can’t help believing that, at the end of the day, when it comes down to it, I’m just the convenient fake girlfriend who’s gotten a little too invested in the role.”
“Is that what you think this is?”
There’s something in his voice that makes me turn around. He’s still sitting at the counter, but his posture has changed. Tense. Alert.
“Isn’t it?” I set down my coffee and cross my arms defensively. “When this custody thing is over, when you get Luka permanently, what happens to me? Do I just fade back into my old life like none of this ever happened?”
He stands slowly, never breaking eye contact. “Depends. Is that what you want?”
“I’d love to know whatyouwant,” I say, sounding a little more desperate than I would’ve liked. “Because I can’t keep doing this if it’s just going to end with me watching you both walk away.”
Kovan closes the distance between us in one long stride. When he reaches me, though, he doesn’t touch me—just stands close enough that I have to tilt my head back to meet his eyes.
“You think I don’t wonder how this ends?” he rasps. “You think I haven’t thought about what happens when the court case is over and there’s no official reason for you to stay?”
“Have you? Then tell me. How does it end?”
“That’s just it: I don’t know.” He sighs and rubs at the back of his neck. “I’ve never wanted anything permanent before. Never wanted to plan a future with anyone. But you—” He stops, jaw clenching like he’s physically holding words back.
“But me what?”
“But you make me want things I didn’t know I could have. Things I didn’t think I deserved.”
My breath catches. “Kovan?—”
The sound of a car in the driveway cuts me off. We both freeze, then rush to the front window.
Pavel’s Audi comes to a stop outside. Through the windshield, I can see Luka’s small form huddled in the backseat.
But he’s not getting out.
“Something’s wrong,” I say immediately.
Kovan is already heading for the door. “Pavel?”
His brother appears from around the front of the car, expression somber. “He won’t get out. I tried talking to him, but he just stares out the window.”
My heart sinks. Whatever happened today, it wasn’t good.
“Let me try,” I start to tell Kovan, but he’s way ahead of me, halfway to the car. I follow in his footsteps, then stop a few feet shy.
“Luka?” He crouches beside the open window. “You okay,malysh?”
