Page 80 of Toxic Temptation
Not many people know how he got it.
I pour myself coffee with inexplicably shaking hands and sit down at the kitchen table, stewing in the silence, lost in thoughts that don’t really start or end anywhere in particular.
But sitting feels like slow torture, so I force myself back to my feet. Go somewhere. Do something. Clean, if nothing else.
I go hunting for something to organize. I have no idea when Kovan and Luka will be home tonight. But I assume they will be, considering their stuff is littered all over my apartment.
Kovan’s shirt is still where he left it, tossed casually over the back of the armchair he didn’t sleep in. Setting down my mug on the windowsill, I pick it up and inhale guiltily.
An embarrassing “Oh, God” floats past my lips before I can reel it back in. I throw the shirt right back where it belongs.
He hadn’t so much as touched me. And yet I was so aware of him the entire night. The strength radiating from his body. The heat that seeped into my skin until I was forced to throw off my covers or else start sweating like a pig. Like spring sun, that heat opened up little parts of me. Parts that haven’t seen daylight in a long, long time.
The sexual part of myself I’ve neglected.
The emotional part of myself I’ve stifled.
The romantic part of myself that I’ve denied.
The sound of the key in the lock sends terror racing through me. My heart does a stupid little flutter. Grabbing my mug of coffee, I walk coolly back into the living room and pretend as though I haven’t spent the last half-hour waiting impatiently for them to return.
“Hey,” I call out, “how did everything?—”
The words die in my throat when I see Luka’s face.
His usual brightness has been snuffed out like a candle. His shoulders curl inward as if he’s trying to disappear into himself and almost succeeding.
“Can I go play in the other room?” His voice is small, defeated. He won’t even look at me.
“Of course, if that’s what you want.” I kneel down to his level. “But I thought we were going to watch that movie tonight?”
He shuffles his feet, shoulders heavy. “I don’t want to anymore.”
“Okay. Sure. Whatever you want. What about dinner? I could try to make?—”
“I’m not hungry.”
Each word is another door slamming shut between us. I swallow every other suggestion I had, every stupid attempt to fix whatever his mother broke today.
“Alright then. Don’t let me keep you.”
He grabs his backpack and disappears into the second bedroom, and just like that, the apartment feels colder.
I turn to Kovan, who has moved to the kitchen. His back is to me but I know he can see me out of the corner of his eyes. I wait for an explanation but none seems forthcoming.
“You wanna tell me what happened?” I ask at last, frustrated and concerned.
“The same shit that always happens when he sees that woman.” When he turns to face me, his eyes are winter-dark and furious. I step back instinctively. “She’s a plague. Everything she touches dies.”
“What did she say to him?”
“It doesn’t matter.” He brushes past me, and I catch the sweaty scent of his rage, sharp and metallic. “Especially not to you.”
His words hurt. This isn’t the man who made me breakfast this morning. This isn’t the man who shared his secrets in the dark last night.
I knew he was dangerous, sure. But since we were going to be on the same side, I figured it didn’t matter.
I realize now how stupid and naïve and short sighted I was being. Because the truth is, we’renota team.
