Page 90 of Blood and Magic
“I won’t ever do that to you again,” he said, kissing me. “Not ever.”
I didn’t like his answer, but I didn’t push him. He’d come around when he was ready.
“There’s something else bothering you,” I said. There was an undercurrent of shame rattling around in his soul, and until he let it out, I worried it might eat him alive. “What is it?”
“It’s nothing,” he said.
“Come on, I can feel it.” I brushed hair away from his face, resting my hand on his cheek.
He gave me a sad smile and shook his head. “It’s just…I sent you three out there that day. I should have gone with you. I should have stopped you from going. Now, Holden is dead. Marx got on our turf because our alarms failed. You were taken because…because I didn’t stop it.”
“That’s not your fault,” I said. “You couldn’t have known. And if you were there…” I didn’t want to think about what would have happened to him in Holden’s place. “We still don’t know why the alarms failed. Marx was coming for me no matter what.”
It didn’t matter what I said. Mill took his job as the head of tech seriously and blamed himself for not being better equipped to deal with such an attack. We’d been blindsided, and in his mind, he should have done better.
“No one blames you, Mill. You’re the only one doing that.”
He nodded and kissed me again before rolling off me to head to the bathroom.
When I saw Ginny for the first time since the attack, she rushed into my arms and squeezed me tight, and we both broke into tears, sobbing until we could have a coherent conversation. Steadfast and strong, we’d survived the worst together and come out the other side.
“I’m so glad you're okay,” she said. “I thought they’d kill you. I thought?—”
“We’re okay,” I told her. “We survived, and we’re okay.”
A few days later, I had to face the music. Ava had been calling me nonstop since it happened, and I suspected I knew why.
“I felt it,” she said, concern in her voice. “Something happened to you. I swear it.”
“It’s nothing,” I said. “It was just a…blip.”
Guin stood anxiously in the corner of the room while Sol paced and chewed her lip. I’d been sworn to secrecy, even from my twin, my other half, but that didn’t mean I liked it. They were both sure I’d slip and spill my guts. After all, Ava was the only sister who didn’t know now, and according to Lycan, she’d be next. Since he was still in Paris with her, I figured he’d be the first to know.
“A blip?” Ava scoffed. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m alive, and you don’t need to worry about it,” I told her.
“So what? You’re keeping secrets now, too?”
I sighed. “Would you believe me if I told you I’m in love with a Bastard?”
That distracted her long enough to have her squealing. “Is it Mill?”
I chuckled and admitted it was. We talked for a few more minutes before she had to run to a work meeting.
“I’ll be home in five more weeks,” she said. “And then you’re going to confess whatever you’re keeping from me.”
“I’m not keeping anything,” I said, but she knew better. Twin telepathy had always been strong between us, and this new shift in my character would only make her more suspicious. After we hung up, I looked at Sol and Guin and raised an eyebrow. “I hate lying to her.”
“It’s for the best,” Sol said, standing next to me so she could hold my hand. “Once she transitions, she’ll know.”
“Why can some of the other Bastard clubs know but she can’t?” I didn’t see the logic in it. One way or the other, this secret was too big. It was a wonder the rest of the world hadn’t found out already.
“They’re sworn to the club,” Guin explained. “Loyalty or death. Everyone knows that.”
“Besides, you need to start worrying about your initiation and mating ceremony.” Sol smiled that classic Vanderbilt grin, and I tried not to let the pressure get to me. Was it idiotic to mate myself to a man I’d only admitted to loving a week ago?
Maybe.
