Page 96 of Blood and Magic
“Fine,” he said, but both my wolf and I sensed it was a lie.
“Maeve says Ginny was a badass,” I continued. “She refused to back down from those fuckers, holding her ground at every step of the way.”
Kodiak smirked and went eerily still. “She gets that from her mother.”
Fond memories of Kendra floated to the forefront of my mind. She and Kodiak had been a power couple, and when their girls had been born, I’d never seen Kodiak so happy.
“I think the apple doesn’t fall far from either tree,” I said.
“Fair enough.” He chuckled and nodded. “Listen, I know you’ve been feeling some things since the attack, and I need to reiterate that it wasn’t your fault. I ordered you to run tech and come to the office that day. I was the one who pulled in all our strongest shifters. If the blame lies on anyone’s shoulders, it’s mine.”
“No,” I started to say, but Kodiak held up a hand to stop me.
“When I give you an order, I expect you to follow it. You hand that control over to me, and my duty as alpha is to keep everyone safe.” He tilted his head to the side. “Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I said, swallowing down the tension and guilt that bubbled up my esophagus. I didn’t want to be rid of my shame. I deserved it. But hearing Kodiak say that was like a balm to my soul. My wolf stopped riding me so hard. My conscience let loose of the reins. I breathed easier.
“Thank you,” he said. “Now get out of here. Your brother’s been looking for you, and your new mate is probably bereft without you.”
I couldn’t imagine Maeve being bereft about anything, but I didn’t argue. I nodded, stood, and held my hand out to him. He grabbed it and shook.
“You deserve forgiveness and grace, too, Kodiak,” I said. “I remember Kendra; she wouldn’t want you to be lonely.”
“Who says I am?” He furrowed his brows, but I raised an eyebrow, saying so much without words. The man looked like he wasn’t sleeping, and I barely saw him in the cafeteria these days, which made me wonder how much he was eating. Much more of this, and he might crumple under the weight of all he took on.
But that’s what they said about kings and alphas—uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.
Caelum looked terrible, and I didn’t blame him. He and Holden had been friends since they were cubs, and losing him in such a horrific way had left its mark on all of us. I’d seen him since the attack. He’d come to check in on me in the infirmary, and he’d even brought Lyra once or twice, though I got the sense they were still trying to keep their relationship a secret.
Now, he looked like someone had ripped his heart from his chest. His eyes were red-rimmed and heavy, his cheeks sunken, his features drawn and stoic.
I rubbed a hand over his hair and pulled him into a hug. He clung to me like he did when he was a boy, after our parents died and he didn’t have anyone else except for me and Wyn.
“Hey, it’s okay, kid,” I said, holding him tighter. “It’s okay.”
“I swear I’m going to track down every last one of those fuckers and rip their throats out,” he mumbled against my shoulder.
“And I’ll help you.” Pulling back, I grabbed his shoulders and stared into his eyes. “But first, we have to lay Holden to rest, okay?”
He nodded and sniffed.
“You need to be strong for his parents, you got it?” I barely got the words out without breaking down myself. I didn’t like seeing anyone in pain, much less my little brother. Fuck, I’d basically raised him as my own. His agony was my agony, and I felt this as much as he did.
“Got it,” he said, forcing a smile up at me. “Kai, Nyx, and some of the others are planning a get-together out in the woods after the memorial. You wanna come?”
I shook my head. “No, you take your time together. You need it.”
Caelum smirked, a knowing look dancing behind his gaze. “You need to get back to your mate?”
Rolling my eyes, I shook my head and shoved his shoulder playfully. “Leave it.”
“Hey, I’m not judging,” he said. “Isn’t she my age?”
“Shifter magic doesn’t care about age,” I said.
“Unless she’s nine.”
His teasing made me feel a little better. It made me hopeful that he would heal from this. Even though he would never forget his friend, he wouldn’t let Holden’s death keep him from being who he was.
