Page 26 of One Cry Too Loud
Holly did look nice. She was dressed up, in a navy skirt that fit well and a matching blouse. She had a touch more makeup on than usual, and the barrage of necklaces, bracelets, and earrings that usually adorned her had been pared down to a more manageable number. She obviously wanted to make agood impression on the woman who adopted her daughter, and I ventured she probably would…assuming she could pull herself together.
“I’m being ridiculous,” she said, opening her eyes and looking over to me. “I know I am, but I just can’t help it. I keep thinking it’s passed. I keep thinking I’m calm, and then it all just ratchets itself up again. My chest feels tight. My heart speeds up. I just-I don’t know what to do.”
“You might be having a panic attack,” I said. “I’d tell you to try and calm down, but I’m not sure that’s the best advice in situations like this.”
“I’ve been trying,” she said politely, still gasping. “It hasn’t worked.”
“Do you want to go back?” I asked. “I can turn around and take you back to the safehouse. It’s no tro-”
“No!” She answered loudly. “I want to do this. I need to do it. She’s my daughter, Jack. I might not have raised her, but I gave birth to her. That means something.”
“Of course it does,” I said. “But it doesn’t mean you have to make yourself unwell. You did the hard thing, Holly. You brought this to us, you helped us immensely, and you spoke about things that you probably didn’t want to in order to get it done. You don’t have to do this too. I will do everything in my power to save Cindy Masters. I promise you that. You have my word.”
“I know that, Jack,” she said, swallowing hard as she pushed herself off the car. “I don’t doubt what you’d do for me. I don’t doubt it at all. I just-it feels like I need to be here. This woman raised my daughter. She took her into her home. She loved her. She protected her, and now she’s lost her.” Tears flowed anew. “I’m the only other person in the world who knows what it feels like to lose that girl. I’m the only other person who knows howmuch it hurts. She gave my baby a life. The least I can do is help her through that hurt.”
“It’s not for you,” I said so quietly that it was almost to myself as I realized why she demanded to come with us. “Of course, it’s not for you.”
“I just keep wondering what she must think of me,” Holly said. “I keep wondering if she judges me.”
“Alice?” I asked.
“I gave birth to my daughter in prison. Alice knew that when she adopted her. She must have thought horrible things. She must have thought I was some terrible felon. And, of course, she wouldn’t have been wrong. I am that.”
“You’re more than the bad you did back then,” I said. “You’re more than the good you do now.” I stepped closer to her. “You’re an amazing person, Holly. You’re one of the most special people I’ve ever met in my life.”
She looked up at me, glassy eyed and shaky. “You really do believe that. Don’t you?”
“I don’t say things I don’t believe,” I replied. “And more than that, I knew it immediately. The first time I ever saw you, it took maybe two minutes for me to understand just how fantastic you are. It’ll be the same for Alice. She’ll know you, Holly. She’ll be impressed by you. She’ll probably adore you. It’s kind of impossible not to.”
She looked at me for a long moment. Then she leaned on her tip toes and kissed me on the lips.
I stood there, stunned for a second with her lips against mine. Finally, I pulled away.
“I’m sorry,” she said, jumping back quickly and shaking her head. “Oh God. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“It’s okay,” I said, nodding at her.
“It’s not okay. You were just trying to help me, and I-I-Lord, I’m sorry,” she said. “Can you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” I said. “It’s really okay.”
She didn’t look at me as she passed by. “Okay. Alright. I think I’m ready to go now.”
“Okay,” I said, looking at the woman as she slid into the car.
I followed suit, getting into the front seat and closing the door behind me. “We’re ready.”
“Yeah. I can see that,” Kat said, muttering lowly as to keep her voice down. “That was…quite the conversation.”
“Yeah,” I answered, realizing she had seen the whole thing. “It sure was.”
CHAPTER 18
Holly had seemingly calmed down by the time we pulled up into the driveway of Alice Masters’s home. She had been calm before, of course, only to see the panic come back. So, while that definitely might happen here, seeing her sitting upright and not crying in a ball on the backseat was certainly a good thing.
The Masters’ house was nice. A large brick home that looked as though it was no more than five or ten years old, it had a sort of mini castle vibe as we drove up the concrete driveway. Though it didn’t necessarily say that the people who owned this home were rich, it certainly did imply that they were comfortable.
In the front yard, tied around a large live oak sat something I recognized immediately. Given my job and my history, I had seen more than my fair share of yellow ribbons. While most people, thanks to a catchy little diddy by Tony Orlando and Dawn, knew it as a gesture of love and fondness, a symbol that you’re yearning for the person you love to come back to you from a hospital stay or a business trip, I knew it as something different. I knew it as something desperate. Every time I had ever seen that damn yellow ribbon, it came connected to a broken family. It came complete with a group of people whoselives would never be the same, even if things ended the best way they possibly could. I hated that damn yellow ribbon, and looking at the way it made Holly’s eyes sink in, I had never hated it more than I did today.
