Page 11 of Chasing After You
“Yes.” No point in denying what will be obvious the second we see him anywhere on this property beyond this cabin, which will mean he’s in the vicinity of horses, and thus his greatest, and most irrational, fear. “Maybe that’s why they came. To finally help him get over being scared of them.” I’d almost be willing to believe that myself. Almost. If I didn’t know the man well enough to know when he’s lying. And he was undeniably lying when he stood there, claiming they all just happened to be here for their own getaway. No, there’s definitely more to the story than he’s willing to say.
“I still think something’s fishy.” Tori sniffs, like she can smell the stink of it. “You’re not going to let it distract you, are you?”
“No.” I shake my head and yank open the pantry doors. Thankfully, we took advantage of the option to have our kitchen stocked with groceries, so the shelves are full of the essentials, including s’mores supplies. I grab one of the large chocolate bars and retreat from the pantry. “Contrary to everyone’s interest in skewing my intentions for this trip, the only thing I plan to give my attention to is my experience here, living the ranch life. Ifyou all want to join me in embracing my inner cowgirl, great. If you’d rather spin the horseback rides and campfires in some misguided romantic direction, have at it. But that’s not what I came for. Not with Oliver. Definitely not with Matti.”
That ship has sailed. Maybe I’ll never stop loving the man, but I gave up every hope we’d ever find our way back to each other a long time ago.
Sort of. I made the decision to give up that hope. I never really allowed myself a chance to check in and see how successful I was.
“Well, at least we’re still partially on track.” Roni shrugs, finding peace with her current middle ground. “Matti’s out. Everything else we can still work out.”
“We knew it would take time to get you to warm up to the idea of Oliver anyway,” Anna agrees. “As long as we don’t have obstacles on top of your own stubborn streak, we’re good.”
I break off a piece of chocolate and stuff it in my mouth. “I don’t have a stubborn streak.”
“Oh, please.” Tori makes a smacking sound with her lips. “The only reason we knew we could pull this off, is because we were counting on you being too stubborn to cancel your trip after you found out.”
“I don’t see why my desire to see a childhood fantasy fulfilled makes me stubborn.” I snap off another piece of chocolate. This time I use my teeth. I’m losing all interest in courtesy and civility where my family is concerned. “Only an idiot would waste a perfectly good vacation over something this dumb.”
“A stubborn idiot,” Tori muses.
“Whatever,” I huff, unable to accept defeat but coming up short on more arguments. Maybe I am stubborn.
Frustrated, I turn and leave the kitchen. I need a timeout from my meddling sisters.
Of course, leaving the kitchen only leads me back into the main living area and straight into Oliver’s path.
“You were married to Matti Benning.” Apparently, he’s still wrapping his head around it.
“I was.” I nod, helping myself to another piece of chocolate. Since I’m eating in front of Oliver now, I go back to using my fingers and break off small, bite-appropriate pieces. Though, the way things are going, I’ll end up eating the entire bar. And I don’t know how civilized that is either, considering it’s the jumbo sort. “But it’s really not as exciting as it sounds. I’ve known the guy since he was fourteen. To you, he’s this famous musician, but to me, he’s always going to be the guy who bagged my mom’s groceries for her every week and somehow still managed to get our eggs crunched in his efforts every time.”
To this day he blames me for it. Says he got too nervous being around me to think straight. I used to buy into it. Now I prefer to think he just lacks the common sense to not place a milk jug on top of the carton of eggs. There’s no threat of giddy butterflies erupting in the pit of my stomach in that scenario.
Oliver laughs. “I can see where you might struggle to see him as a legendary bass player after that.”
“Don’t get me wrong, he was a badass musician even then.” I’ll never deny that. “But I was there for all of it. All the crappy early years, when they first hit the scene, trudging on broke and playing for scraps, and then later through the years they blew up big time. I was too close to it for too long to ever gain enough distance from him to see what you see. What everyone sees.”
He nods. I can practically read his thoughts as they scroll over his eyeballs. He’s busy conjuring up every possible scenario that would have led to us separating. Judging by the expression his face settles into, I’d guess he’s landed on a theory involving Matti’s fame coming between us in the way of an affair. Then heconfirms it when he opens his mouth. “I’m sure it’s hard to resist the sort of attention that comes with that sort of life.”
I let him think what he wants. It’s not his business anyway. “It’s a ride unlike any other, that’s for sure.” Vague. I feel like I’ve mastered that shit in recent years.
“I guess I understand why you’d want him to think we were a couple then,” Oliver goes on.
“Right, sorry about that.” Almost forgot I did that. “I don’t even know what possessed me to say that. Somehow, the words just fell out of my mouth.” I cringe a little. On the outside. Inside, I cringe a whole hell of a lot. Lying isn’t what I’m about. Playing games always seemed like tiresome bullshit to me, and now, here I am. One moment of crippling insecurity and green monster-worthy jealousy, and my mouth turned into a bullshit factory.
“I don’t mind.” Suddenly I have a new word for Oliver that I like a whole lot better than nice. Forgiving. “Besides,” he grins sheepishly. “I get it. If you’d have been standing next to me even once out of the hundred-plus times I wished I could throw a beautiful woman in my ex-wife’s face while she was busy hanging all over her new guy, the one she cheated on me with no less – and did I mention he’s barely old enough to drink? – trust me, I’d have told that same lie in a heartbeat.”
I smile back. Compassionate. That’s another good word. “I appreciate you saying that. Even if I think it might be a little bit of a fib to make me feel better.” I reach out to squeeze his arm. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” He chuckles. “I guess we keep the charade going when he’s around?”
“Um.” I hadn’t thought that far.
Thankfully, my brother shows up, bringing an end to this conversation for the moment. I’ll come back around to it after I’ve had a chance to think for myself and figure out how to besthandle this mess I made without everyone’s opinions zipping through my brain. Much as I’d love to pretend it’ll all just blow over and go away, given that Matti is here for the foreseeable future and likely to continue crossing paths with us, that seems unlikely to happen.
“I need help with something,” Vale mutters, pointing at the first door leading off the hall. While every kid in the family was saddled with a V name thanks to our father Victor and his desire to anchor each of his kids to him in some way beyond the already unbreakable ties of DNA, my brother was the only one to stick with it. Not that he had much in the way of options where nicknames and the name Vale are concerned.
“What do you need help with?” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize his request was missing details for a reason.
