Page 14 of Chasing After You
It’s suddenly inescapably clear that I’ve been stuck at a total standstill without her.
Like I’m still waiting for her to come back.
Like deep down, I still believed she would.
The fact I’m currently running aimlessly through the woods instead of straight toward her, when that would have been the shortest, most direct path forward, adds a laughable level of symbolism to my situation.
Or it would.
If I didn’t nearly plow her over.
“Holy shit. Are you okay?” I have one hand on each of her arms from my last-minute attempt to simultaneously move her out of my path and try to catch her and keep her from falling. We both scramble around for a second, finding our footing, but neither of us ends up in the dirt.
“Where did you even come from?” She’s half laughing, half exasperated, same as she used to sound trying to get mad at the kids when they did something every decent parent would scold them for, but we found ourselves more inclined to laugh at. I didn’t sound like anything in those moments. The one time I tried to say something stern I broke down in a fit of giggles. Nessa never let me attempt it again. From then on, my job was simply to keep the laughter in.
“I was about to ask you the same thing.” I release her and take a step back, automatically letting my gaze drift from one end of the trail toward the other. We’re not at any sort of crossing. There was no bend or turn or even any sort of rock or tree obstructing the view. “I honestly don’t know how we didn’t see each other.”
She laughs. “Are you kidding? I know exactly why you didn’t see me. You totally zone out when you’re running. It’s like an out-of-body experience for you or something. I swear, there were times over the years I was amazed you found your way back home after darting out of the house in your sneakers and that glazed look in your eyes you get when you’re buried in your own thoughts.”
My mouth opens to argue but nothing comes out. I shake my head, chuckling. “I’ve got nothing to defend myself with.”
She gloats back at me, grinning from ear to ear.
Then I remember, I have an excuse – a lame one but still. Meanwhile, she nearly ran into me too and I have yet to hear a reason for it. “That explains my poor navigation skills. How come you’re wandering around the woods and knocking into people?”
Her grin recedes a bit as she gradually raises her right hand, sheepishly revealing her phone. Only takes half a glance to realize her Kindle App is open. “I might have been reading while walking.”
I raise my brow, trying to force my face into some sort of stern expression. It’s not working. “I hope you don’t intend to do that while on a horse. I know they seem really chill, but they are unpredictable, dangerous creatures.” The longer I go on, the easier it is to be serious again. “I’m telling you, you can’t take your attention off them.”
Ness, on the other hand, has given up any effort at politely stifling her amusement. “Still scared of horses, huh?” She shiftsher weight from one foot to the other, her gaze lowering to the ground. When she looks up at me again, she’s not laughing at me anymore. “Coming to a dude ranch seems a bit of an odd choice for you then, don’t you think?”
“Wasn’t exactly my choice,” I concede to what I can consider to be at least partially true. Depending on the angle. Did I choose to come here? Yes. Did I choose for here to be a dude ranch? Obviously not.
“Whose idea was it then?” she presses the issue. Because she knows I’m lying. “Knox wanna come get his cowboy on? Was it Jason’s half-baked attempt at a romantic getaway without actually having to get away from anyone or be romantic in any way?” She takes a step toward me like she’s moving in for the kill. “Or maybe this trip was Cass’s idea. Some long-lost childhood dream of ponies finally coming true? Tell me, which one of them picked this place? The verysame placeyouknewI was coming to with my sisters.”
I laugh. Uncomfortably. But it’s all I got for stalling skills. And my lying skills are even worse. So, I keep the partial truths coming. “It wasn’t so much that any of us wanted to stay on a dude ranch,” I explain, trying to sound perfectly rational even as her eyes are narrowing and my heart rate is rising. Even after all the years we were together, this is uncharted territory for us. I don’t lie to her. She doesn’t stare me down like she’s trying to threaten a confession out of me. “Certainly not one you guys were staying at.”
Or at least we never did those things before.
“No, I guess you wouldn’t. Especially not given how weird it is all of us being here at the same time.” Her gaze drops to her feet, which seem to be shifting around restlessly, taking turns kicking at dirt for no obvious reason. “Kenley pick this place?”
“Kenley? No.” I’m surprised Ness even remembered I mentioned she was coming. “Kenley had nothing to do with it.”
“What was it then?” Nessa presses the issue again when I stay silent, too caught up in who we’re becoming to keep up with the unfolding of it all.
“Honestly?” And this part, at least, I can claim to be. “Maybe you coming to Hawaii did give me the idea to come. What doesn’t sound inviting about Hawaii, right? But then I guess I wasn’t paying attention when I went online checking resorts.” Resort. I checked out one resort. And I didn’t even go to the website. Just scanned the info that came up in Google maps because the location seemed like the only real information I needed at the time. But I can’t get that specific right now. So, I shrug and narrow it down to the simple bits that apply. “Just kind of scanned the basics, like distance to the ocean and good restaurants, and went for it.” Location. I scanned the location. That’s it. Wasn’t until I landed, and I asked someone working the nearest airline counter which car service would be best from the airport to the resort – or what I’d stupidly assumed was a resort - that I was filled in on the horse-related details.
“Seriously? That’s how you wound up here? Because of scanning?”
I don’t answer right away.
Part of me is tempted to just blurt out the truth. Tell her everything.
But I can’t get myself to say the words out loud.
It would be wrong to tell her now when I was too much of a coward to say the words I came here to say earlier, in front of her family and Oliver, whatever he may be to her.
I want to convince myself he’s still insignificant. She’s made no mention of him or any meaningful relationship before now. The kids haven’t uttered a single word suggesting their mother is dating anyone, or even interested in dating.
