Page 18 of Chasing After You
“She just texted me. Apparently, she and Oliver are extending their stroll.” He steps aside so I can open the door. “I’m here to see you.”
This can’t be good. Not least of all because our parting ways on the trail led Nessa to wind up on it with someone else. Goddammit, where does the symbolism end?!
“In that case,” I push open the door and gesture for him to go ahead. “Come on in.”
“Nice outfit,” he grunts, just in case I didn’t know he has mixed feeling about keeping company with me, then goes ahead and steps inside. As soon as he’s in through the foyer and in the main space, taking in the tall ceilings, massive windows, and overall luxury accommodations, he lets out a loud whistle. “I forgot the rock stars don’t live like the rest of us.”
“It’s all they had when I went to book us a cabin,” I mutter. Vale can say what he wants. He knows damn well I don’t give a shit about any of this. The biggest thing I ever splurged on was the house my family lives in. My current place is a one-bedroom loft in the industrial district where luxury is sparse, and no one makes noise complaints when I play music until sunrise. The kids don’t even have proper rooms there. Not that they care. I had a contractor come and put two built-in bunks on either side of the main living space. They’re like mini-loft bedrooms with just enough space for double-sized mattresses, an itty-bitty shelf, and a wall-mounted television. The ceilings are too low to stand, and the only way to reach them is by climbing the ladders mounted to the walls on both sides. Naturally, the kids totally dig them.
“When exactly was that?” Vale asks, tearing his attention away from my accommodations and turning it back on me. “Hm? When did you decide to book your stay here?”
I shift my weight from side to side, uncomfortably aware of Vale’s gaze locked on my shopping bags and brand-new wardrobe.
“Why don’t you just get to the point, Vale? Say what you came here to say.”
“I would. But I can’t decide what that is unless you give it to me straight first.” He takes a step toward me, his glare moving from my bags to meet me eye to eye. “What the fuck are you doing here, Matti?”
I hold his stare for a moment. He already knows the answer to his question. There’s no point in trying to convince him otherwise. So, I don’t. “I’m here to make right what I fucked up two years ago. I want Nessa back. I wantusback.” As soon as I hear myself say it out loud, I feel relieved. Like a secret that’s been eating me alive just lost its power over me. I feel free. “And if you’re going to run right back and tell her, you might as well be on my side. So, have a seat. Let me tell you why I’m the best possible man for your sister. Let me prove it to you. I’ll do whatever it takes. Until you believe it.”
Vale frowns, though he looks less taken aback by my confession than he does by my promise to win him over. “Why now?”
“Because, apparently, I had to wait for Knox to fall in love to be able to give me the advice I needed to hear in order to see what an idiot I was not chasing after Ness the second she pulled away.” The irony of having my love life put back on track by a man who damn near swore off love for good will never be lost on me.
“No, not why are you finally here to get her back.” Vale’s frown deepens as he grows increasingly irritated with me. “Why do you give a shit if I think you’re good enough for her now? You didn’t seem to see a need for my blessing before.”
“I don’t need your blessing now either.” I take a breath and slowly let it out. “But I want it. Because no matter how much I know that Ness and I belong together, I finally get how much I hurt her. And knowing that will haunt me every step of trying to win her back. But if I can convince you that I’m worth it, thatI deserve to be the man standing next to her again, then maybe that’ll be enough to make me believe it too.”
Vale studies me for an agonizing few seconds. In all the years I’ve known him, this may well be the longest exchange we’ve ever had. I was closer to her sisters. Probably because I have a shitload of those myself, but her big brother and I, we just never figured out how to see that we were always on the same side. That we both wanted what was best for Nessa.
“Fine,” he finally sighs, like I’ve annoyed him into submission. “I’ll have a seat and you can plead your case.”
“Thank you.” I grin back at him. Even if he’s not smiling outwardly, I’d like to think deep down inside, he doesn’t hate me as much as he lets on.
I drop my bags in the hall leading toward the bedrooms and gesture for him to go ahead and get settled on the large leather sofas taking up the center of the main living space. I wait for him to sit before I lower myself to the couch directly across from him.
He waves his hand for me to start talking. “Let’s hear your starting argument. I may not care to hear more beyond that.”
Not exactly the attitude I’d hoped for, but about what I expected.
“I know you’ve always hated me, but you have to know...I love her,” I say the first words that come to mind. The words that sit at the forefront of my mind day in and day out. Haunting me. Torturing me. And somehow still giving me hope. Because if what I feel for her is undying, maybe her love for me is still alive as well. “I’ve loved her from the first time I laid eyes on her.” I smile remembering. “Do you know that I didn’t even see her face that day? Just barely saw her walking out of the store with your mom and Tori, a grocery cart full of paper bags while Nessa held onto the box of donuts your mom picked up from the bakery that day. I remember she had chocolate on her fingertips like she’d already had her hand in the donuts.” Somewhere betweenher sweet tooth, that crazy mess of long blonde hair, swaying back and forth with every step, and the careless way she left that chocolate on her fingers like she didn’t give a shit about being proper any more than she cared about getting caught, was enough to hook me. No other girl ever made me want to chase after her the way she did. The way she still does.
Not that I did. Chase after her, I mean. Told myself it was too crazy. And besides, she’d be back. After all, I worked at the grocery store. People always needed to eat.
So, I waited it out.
And I guess maybe, in some small way, that’s where I made my first mistake.
“Vale, I knew at once, she was it. That I’d never look at another girl the same way I looked at her. I knew it then, and I knew it the day I signed our divorce papers. Despite everything, the distance, and the years we’ve been apart, that part has never changed. And it never will. And,” I pause, collecting my thoughts, coming around to exactly the right words to convey what I want him to know. What Ineedhim to know. “I thought I was giving her what she wanted, Vale. And it took me two years and my best friend knocking me upside the head with my own damn advice to see that what she wanted wasn’t what she needed. Whatwe bothneeded.” I swallow, feeling the ache of my heart swell in my throat. “I’m ready to do what I should have done from the first day I saw her. I’m ready to chase after her. To show her that she’s the only direction I’m ever going to go.”
“You done?”
I take a moment to think over everything I’ve said. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Good.” He stands from the sofa and starts moving again.
“Are you leaving?”
“Yeah.” He stops short of reaching the door. “I told everyone I was just going to track down the ice machine. If I stay gonemuch longer, they’ll come looking for me. Not to mention, I’ll need to come up with an excuse about where I’ve been all this time.”
