Page 19 of Chasing After You
“You’re not going to tell them you came to see me?” Maybe if Vale had threatened me or asked me to just get the hell off the island, I’d understand him wanting to keep our little chat a secret. But at this point, the only one whose uncomfortable secrets stand to be exposed, are mine. “Not even Nessa?”
He shrugs. “Telling Nessa is your business.” Then he sighs another one of his ‘annoyed big brother’ sighs. “Dude, I’ve never hated you. You want my blessing to go after Nessa? You got it. I’m just glad one of you finally had the sense to pull their head out of their ass and get it together. You two splitting up was the dumbest thing I’ve ever witnessed. Hell, it’s the dumbest thing any of us have ever witnessed. I think you two were the only idiots who couldn’t see it.” He makes a funny face like he’s had another thought. “Well, you two and Roni. But she’s oblivious to all kinds of shit.”
“Oh.” What the fuck is happening right now? “But you’ve always ignored me.”
He shrugs. “Well, yeah.” He rolls his eyes. “Look, man, when we met, you were fourteen and I was twenty. And dick that I was, I couldn’t be bothered because you were just a stupid kid and I was,whatever. I’m sure we would have grown up and things would have changed... But then that shit went down with Roni’s boyfriend.”
The guy Vale meant to punch when he punched me.
“I only even hit you because I couldn’t believe it was Roni who’d been beaten up. Because I was friends with that asshole.” He shakes his head and I suddenly see what I missed all these years. Regret. And guilt. “After that, I swore to myself I’d never get close to another guy my sisters were with. I never wanted to be blindsided like that again. Being a good brother was so muchmore important than being buds with someone who could turn around and hurt my sisters someday.”
“Like I did.”
He looks suddenly surprised. “No, dude. Nothing like you. You’re the first and only one of the men my sisters chose that I trust completely. And that includes Clark. Who had to take an oath to do no harm.” He grabs the handle and opens the door. “Now I gotta go, or I’ll be stuck coming up with something even more ridiculous than you telling people that you and the band spontaneously decided to take a dude ranch vacation at
the same time and same place as your ex-wife.”
“Hey, I panicked, okay.” Seeing the woman you’re trying to win back standing next to another man right when you’re on the verge of revealing your big romantic gesture will do that.
“I figured.” He chuckles, starting down the walkway. He only gets a few steps before he turns back, “Hey, before I forget. Who the hell is Kenley?”
NESSA
After our walk, and then going to grab dinner with everyone, sharing a room with Oliver doesn’t feel nearly as uncomfortable. He’s sweet and understanding and handsome, at least in a conventional sort of way. Fine, maybe he’s not quite as ripped as Matti. And maybe he doesn’t have that wild, long raven-black hair and matching stubble. And okay, from what I’ve seen, he’s not rocking any ink (certainly none dedicated to me) and his eyes, while perfectly nice, aren’t the blazing amber pools of seduction I spent years losing myself in. But I’m starting to see why my sisters wanted me to meet him.
Especially when we both announce we need to call our kids to check in at the same time. It’s nice to be on the same page with someone in that way again.
“Everyone all good?” he asks, when I come back to our room after having made my call from out on the balcony.
“Yep. Busy playing an intense game of Trivial Pursuit with their cousins.” I smile. They’ve been playing that game together since before they could read. Back then, they’d just stare at the cards and make up questions, mimicking the way they’d seen the grownups play. I love that they have their own little traditions already. I hope thirty years from now when they all have their own teenagers, they still get together for these game nights. “How are your kids?”
“Enjoying the sugar free-for-all only offered at Grandma’s house.” He grimaces. Then laughs. “That’s what grandparents are for, right? Giving them a safe space and the opportunity to break all the rules without having to be the ones to actually break any of the rules because Grandma is doing it for them.”
“Sounds about right.” With my kids, it’s their Great Uncle Joey. Neither my parents nor Matti’s are the rule-breaking sort.
“So,” he starts again, gaze moving awkwardly toward the bed. “Are you sure you’re still cool with this? Because I can still go sleep downstairs on the couch if you want. Or in the tub. Or I can just throw some pillows and blankets on the floor. I’m really not picky. You learn to sleep pretty much anywhere while you’re an intern,” he ends with a joke.
“I’m definitely cool with this,” I assure him. “Plus, if you sleep downstairs on the sofa, I’ll never hear the end of it from my sisters.”
“They must really hate your ex to go through all this trouble to get you to move on,” he says thoughtfully, starting to peel back the extra bedding on the bed, clearing out everything there that’s more for show than purpose.
“I don’t think they hate Matti.” I go over to help him, grabbing two throw pillows from a mountain of many and tossing them over onto the floor next to the dresser. “I think theyjust hated how much we hurt each other in the end. And I don’t think any of them really understood how it happened, so it was easier just to blame him and feel like they had some sort of grasp on things, a way to support me.”
“But you don’t think they’d support you two getting back together?”
I stop what I’m doing. “I guess I’ve never thought about it one way or the other. We’renotgetting back together. So that’s never going to be an issue.”
His brow crinkles, and the corner of his mouth hitches up a little like he’s holding back a smile, though he’s not entirely successful. “How can you be so sure the two of you are never getting back together? You said it yourself; you stopped holding on, but neither of you chose to let go.”
I turn and toss the last two pillows I was holding when the conversation suddenly shifted into this unexpected territory. “Because I did make a choice. Maybe not to let him go, but I chose to walk in a new direction. One I didn’t let him come. And that choice crushed us both. I can’t take that lightly. I can’t pretend that the things I set in motion didn’t mean anything, that I can just come back and say, oops, my bad, I didn’t mean to walk so far that I couldn’t find my way home for two years.” I shake my head. “It was selfish enough to leave him behind trapped in the rubble while I let myself get caught up in my own storm. I can’t come blowing back into his life now just because the wind is calm.”
Oliver frowns. “Why not?”
“Because!” My voice pitches higher than I mean it to. “It can’t be all about what I want all the time. I want out, so I leave. I want back, so I come home. Why should I get to have my cake and eat it too?”
Oliver shrugs. “I don’t see why you can’t. Especially if there’s a chance he wants the same cake.”
I shake my head. “Maybe this is a dumb analogy.”
