Page 50 of Chasing After You
“But?”
I run my fingers through the mare’s long mane. It’s coarse and thick and wavy and I love everything about it. “But I wouldn’t have been happy knowing he was miserable.” She’s not the first person who’s asked me this over the years. And every time someone’s posed the question, I thought it was an odd one. Like the answer was obvious. “So, we scrapped the plans altogether and improvised.” Ended up walking the beach for two hours until we stumbled upon this amazing little restaurant right on the ocean, with live music and the best company we could have asked for. We made friends that night we’ve been in touch with ever since. Before the divorce, we even made time to vacation together every few years. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Not even a romantic horseback ride along the beach. “Why do you ask?”
“Oh, you know,” she sighs, and I can’t help but picture her face first, nose buried in the horse’s neck, inhaling. Because she’s also been harboring a love for horses since childhood. “Just wondering if maybe this is his way of making up for it. Going horseback riding in Hawaii with you seems like a close second to a beach ride in Costa Rica.”
“Right. With all of you here, it’ll be just like a second honeymoon.” I shake my head at the notion. “I’m sure his mind is nowhere near there. Trust me, getting on a horse was the last thing he wanted to do in Hawaii. It was just an unlucky course of events that brought him here.”
“He wound up on vacation with you. I’m not so sure he thinks it was all that unlucky.”
I lean into the mare, and she’s kind enough to hold me. “I can’t tell where you’re going with this.”
“Funny, I was about to say the same to you.” I hear her move around the stall. A moment later, the creak of a wooden door follows, and a few seconds after that, she’s standing beside me and Rosie. “What’s the plan here? With you and Matti?”
“There’s no plan.” At least not on my end. “And even if there were, I don’t think I’d tell you.” I grimace at her. “You’d just try and sabotage it.”
She laughs. “I knew it. You want him back!” She claps her hands triumphantly.
“I’m not saying that.” I’m not saying anything.
“I know,” she laughs again. “I’m saying it for you.”
I cross my arms, unsure of her position on this new perspective of hers. “And what? You’re going to talk me out of it? Tell me how dumb I am for getting caught up in old feelings? How foolish it is to consider making a major real-life change based on emotions triggered while on vacation, a literal escape from real life?”
Tori stops laughing. “No.” She crosses her arms as well, matching my stance like we’re about to go toe to toe in some sort of a match. “I’m not telling you anything. If you’d take two seconds to relax and just listen instead of jumping all over me, you’d notice that all I’ve been doing is asking questions. My only interest in being here, in having this conversation, is to hear whatyouhave to say.” She makes a face at me. “So, you gonna fucking say something, or what?”
I frown. “I honestly have no idea what you want from me right now.”
“The truth. About you and Matti.” She leans in, eyes locked on mine. “About what youreallywant.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
MATTI
If I’d thought facing my fears with one horse would count for all horses everywhere, I’d have been mistaken. As it turns out, achieving a level of comfort and trust with Jasper doesn’t count for much of anything the second I’m leading him around, moving through the barn aisle only to find myself face to face with Nessa and a greyish-looking horse that looks like someone crushed a crapload of Oreos and sprinkled the crumbles all over its coat.
“What’s up with cookies and cream, here?” I mutter, trying not to show my nerves. “Think they’re on the friendly side?”
Nessa all but snorts in response. “Her name is Rosie,” she informs me with a surprising level of haughtiness considering I offended a horse. “And yes, she’s lovely.”
“Lovely.” I nod. I believe her. On a mental level. Emotionally, I’m just not there yet. “Maybe we’ll still hang back and just wait for you to finish up.”
She shakes her head, turning sideways and pointing past where she’s standing with Rosie at another set of hooks and ties. “You’re supposed to go right there and wait for the rest of us. Frank just said so.”
Crap. “Frank said so, huh?” Can’t argue with Frank, apparently. Not that I want to. He did all the work of tacking up my horse for me during his little demonstration. All I have left to do now is hang out.
I take a moment to assess the path. I take several moments. After repeated attempts to forge a path that doesn’t exist, I sigh in surrender. “You’re going to make me walk behind your horse, aren’t you?”
She shrugs. “I mean, I’m not making you do anything.” Then she grins. “Frank is.”
I hate Frank.
“Fine.” I point at the horse’s ass. “Behind the horse it is.”
But I don’t move. I want to, my feet just won’t fucking budge.
“Want me to stand behind her while you walk by? Shield you with my body? Because I will,” Nessa offers. And she may be joking, but it’s not coming across as funny to me at all.
“God, no! Absolutely not. You stay up there by her head.”
