Page 61 of Chasing After You
“Cool.” I hurry to turn away and break our weird eye contact in the mirror. I have enough nerves over my own choices, I don’t need to add any of his to the mix.
With my outfit changed, all I need to do is grab my strappy sandals and head for the door.
I’m halfway down the stairs when I remember my current hairdo and pull the bandana from my head. Next, I slide the hair ties from my braids, undoing each one until my hair falls down my back in long waves.
I’m the first in the foyer ready to go, but my solitude is short-lived. Within minutes, the rest of my family starts piling in and shortly after, we’re all sitting on a bus and Matti is back at my side.
The drive is lively, thanks to some familiar cowboys, now dressed in Hawaiian shirts, supplying an entertaining and insightful presentation on the history of luaus.
When we arrive, the beach is already set up for us. There are tables covered in beautiful settings, torches lining the area for light, and all around are lovely floral arrangements. There’s even a makeshift stage area ready for a traditional performance later.
“This is incredible,” Matti murmurs near me. “How come we’ve never come to Hawaii before now?”
“I don’t know.” It does seem like an obvious oversight. We’ve traveled all over. How we missed this marvelous gem when it’s so well-known is a little hard to grasp.
“We should come back with the kids.”
I nod. “We should.”
He turns and looks at me funny. For a second, I think he wants to say something else, but then he just turns his attention to the ocean instead. “Look at the moon out there on the water.”
I smile. Matti and the moon. Now there’s a love he never tires of chasing.
As soon as I think it, I’m relieved I didn’t say it out loud. Even in my own head, it sounded shitty. Bitter. Like I’m jealous of the fucking moon.
Which is ludicrous.
So, I do the same thing Matti did. I change the subject. “Any sign of Jason and Cass when you went back to change?” I’m sure he would have mentioned it if he’d heard the big news. Still, I’m curious if Cass made progress on sharing her big secret.
Judging by the way his brow crinkles caught off guard by the new conversation topic, I’m guessing the answer is no. “I sawJason for a minute. Cass was still out perusing the gift shop.” Only if the gift shop is code for Dr. Oliver. “Knox and Kenley were around though.”
“I like her.” I slide my arm around his and rest my head on his shoulder, both of us facing the ocean, though I make a point of avoiding the moon. “Especially now that I know she’s here with Knox and not you.” I laugh at my own silly assumptions. “Annoyingly, I think I would have liked her either way, but this definitely makes it easier.”
“Ha, yeah.” He lowers his head until it’s over mine. “I know what you mean. Oliver seems like a perfectly nice name now that I don’t have to hate the dude on principle.”
My head pops up again forcing him to move as well. “You had a problem with his name?”
“Yes. A real big, irrational, problem with it.” He smirks.
“Guess we were never made for moving on.”
“Could have told you that a long time ago.” He starts to turn us back toward the luau and the rest of our group. “In case you didn’t notice, I didn’t go on a single date the entire time we were apart.”
“Not even a random hookup? Nothing?”
He shoots me a dirty look. Because I know better. “No, nothing.”
“Me either.” I pull him to a stop. “Do you think that’s a problem?”
“What?” His brow furrows. He’s clearly confused. “Why would that be a problem?”
“Because,” I insist. “What if the only reason we’re so eager to go back to what we had is because we’ve been unable to have something else.”
“What, like we’re just lonely and settling for what’s familiar?” He sounds disgusted just saying it.
“I don’t want to think it’s possible either, Matti.” Deep inside I’m cringing at my own words. I don’t even want to be saying them. They’re just spilling out of me from some untapped place I can’t seem to put a stopper in. “But I think we have to consider it. It would be irresponsible not to. Because our choices don’t just affect the two of us. They affect the kids too.”
“You think I don’t know that?” His disgust is turning to hurt faster than I can keep up with my own mouth.
