Page 11 of Damnation
The consequences of my situation rest heavily on my chest. William and I have laid together several times since Thomas andI began our affair. ‘Tis my wifely duty, and though I hate every moment of it, I know I have no choice. However, I also know to be true that it cannot be William’s, for I did not lay with him during my fertile window. Only Thomas.
Swallowing roughly, I strain to push down the wave of sickness plaguing me as I struggle to stand. My efforts are a waste as I feel the contents of my stomach begin to rise. Rushing outside, I hardly make it before I am retching up yesterday’s supper. Several more times pass before William’s voice echoes behind me.
“Are thou sick?”
My hands are shaky as I attempt to wipe the mess from my face, looking over my shoulder at him. Once a handsome man, the drink has made him ugly, accentuating his large nose and blotchy face. The depth of his leathered skin knows no bounds, and there is almost no color left to his hair.
“Yes, I am with child.”
He frowns like the news disappoints him, but that does not matter to me. Instead, I await his response with bated breath to see if he questions the child’s origin.
“We have barely enough money now. How does thee suggest we provide for another mouth to feed?”
Of course he does not expect there to be another father. I have been a dutiful wife to him. Why would he expect that has changed?
“We will manage,” I say with a shaky head.
An evil laugh escapes him before anger consumes his face.
“Thou thinks it be that easy? We will manage? Manage with what money? With what labor? You provide nothing but tonics that do not sell nor work, and Dorothy is too dull to conduct even a simple task!”
“She is a child,” I defend.
My tonics do sell and work fantastically so. I just do not let William onto that fact.
“She is useless! What shall I do if you curse me with another girl? No dowry shall ever leave this family. The only good any of ye bring is selling your skin at the pub.”
My stomach turns at the thought of William forcing me or our child to do such a heinous thing.
“You’re despicable,” I spew, only realizing too late that I let it slip.
The next thing I see is William’s fist. It comes straight for my eye, sending stars scattering across my mind. Again and again, his fists rain down on me. All I can think to do is curl up tightly, protecting my stomach as best as I’m able, as he releases his fury. My screams of pain echo through the countryside before I feel one last kick to my back.
“Away with you! Go! Collect us a sum, or so help me, the child will be next!”
A choked sob escapes me as his heavy boots stomp away, heading for his work down the road. I’m unsure of how long I lay there. I know there is blood, I can smell it, taste it, but I’m unable to move.
When I hear the small footsteps of Dorothy, ‘tis the only thing to force my body to rise.
“Mama?” she calls out.
“Out here, my love. I’m heading to town. You will stay here,” I say, keeping my back to her as I face forward.
“I do not wish to be alone. Please let me come.”
“No!” I snap hastily as I hear her attempt to face me.
She has seen enough of her father’s ugliness, I won’t allow her to see me like this if I am able.
“Stay, sweet girl. I shall return soon, with sweets.”
“Really? A sweet of my very own?”
“Yes,” I promise, knowing full well I will struggle to keep said promise.
“Be safe, Mama!” she calls out as I limp from our home towards town.
I must make it to Sarah Osborne’s. She owes me a month’s sum. If I hand it to William carefully, he will feel more secure as my pregnancy progresses. And perhaps more village folk will look kindly on me. When I was pregnant with Dorothy, I received much more than ever before from others.
