Page 13 of Massacre Monday
Lan can’t let me have one moment of peace after completing another grunt task for the organization before saying something asinine.
My younger brother’s chilled silence is enough to have Lan protesting and making excuses, while I remind him that hockey practice will be a bitch if he doesn’t stop eating crap like he has all summer.
By the time we pull up to my brother’s blacked-out BMW motorcycle, Aiden’s ready to take off back toTheta Rho Zeta’smanor, the place that had been my home for the last four years until I finally got my own apartment. He took over the office of presidency from me this year, and once Henry is a senior, he’ll be one, too. It’s all an incestuous pool of nepotism at Northview University.
Behind his mirrored visor, Aiden’s expression is unreadable, but I don’t need to see it to know what he’s thinking. He’s displeased that neither Lan nor I take these tasks as seriously as he does. I thought I’d be done with them by now, but since I’m still enrolled for a fifth year, it comes with being a brother ofTheta.
“I was never here. Didn’t hear anything about this. And I couldn’t have stopped you,” he says while toeing his kickstand back in place. Presidents are untouchable. And by that, I mean, they’re not associated with any of the clandestine activities. But they are in charge of making sure things go smoothly.
With a jolt, Aiden speeds off, blowing up some dust with his back tire. Before he gets too far away, he reminds me, “Dad said you have to come to Sunday dinner tomorrow. You’ve missed the last three, Ryan.”
My jaw clenches. Yes, missing those meals was very much on purpose.
Lan takes off his helmet and shakes out his blond mop of sweaty hair. “Want to head to Hype House tonight?”
At the mention of the club, my shoulders tense, knowing all the sorority girls will be back from summer break. There’s no way I want to run into Elina, and she would definitely go, hoping to find me. I flip the visor down on my helmet. “Nope. I’m heading home.”
“Tell Elina I said hi!” Lan smirks and slides off his bike to talk to the rest of the Vipers, who are congregated around my baby brother Henry’s latest Maserati purchase.
Life is short. That’s my motto. After my concussion during hockey freshman year, everything changed for me. Not only did it shorten my season, but it meant I couldn’t finish my classes because of the headaches, constant nausea, and dizzy spells I’d get trying to read a page.
When I rammed my head into the opposing forward, I knew exactly what would happen. I’d hit him at such an angle to really fuck myself up. Deep inside, I hold the secret that I’d wished the collision would have snapped my neck in two and ended things.
At the time, I’d been so filled with hope about my future, hockey, girls, and receiving the bid to joinThetathat I didn’thave any worries. Not until my dad told me what my life would be like from then on.
Determined. Set.Boring.
A plan that didn’t take into account anything I would want for myself.
I’m not allowed to have desires, goals, or a choice in life partner. Those who don’t follow orders have a tendency toward receiving a bullet between their eyes. A “suicide” with two shots to the back of their skulls. An “accident” on their motorcycles while intoxicated.
No one seems to mind because if you obey, you’re rewarded with a path in life that most people would kill for without remorse. Fame, fortune, and a future filled with young sluts ready to service you, no matter who you’re appointed to marry. In fact, cheating and sharing partners with others in society are expected. Though my father never stood for that.
This is the way things go.
When I learned of it, the crushing weight of becoming aservantfor some made-up god hit me so hard, I questioned my will to live. The details of the duty are kept a tidy secret unless you’re a trustee. Or a dean. Or higher. It’s a need-to-know basis. Until then, you follow the orders written in blood.
Once I graduate and obey my assignment to be CEO of Cardell Enterprises, I’ll be appointed to the Board and privy to handing out tasks for the younger members ofTheta Rho Zeta. It’s not a role I wish to fulfill.
I’ve learned more than my brothers because of my rank in the family, though I suspect Aiden has delved into things a little too deeply on his own.
The only way I thought I could avoid my prescribed future would be to wreck it. If I got injured badly enough, then I could delay the inevitable for a while, or maybe even forever.
Graduation is approaching at the end of this year, and every day that passes, the weight of my impending responsibilities crushes me until it hurts to breathe.
What I’d never tell anyone is why I was on that cliff last night.
I’ve done that jump a hundred times, but I do it because I know that if I head slightly to the side, I could splat on a rock overhang that juts out a few inches too far. Every time I stand at the top of the North River waterfall, I stare at the edge and wonder…
Will tonight be the night I veer to the left?
Pink cheeks probably doesn’t know how much she affected me. My little partner-in-crime became a piece of me, searing those ire-filled irises under my skin. Instead of veering off the direct path, I back flipped to live another day.
When I get inside my apartment across from campus, I toss my keys in the metal bowl by the front door and savor a deep inhale. It smells likemine. Every bit of art, furniture, lighting, and design is somethingIchose. Is it stark, dark, and modern? Sure, but I wanted it that way. This industrial exposed brick studio is home, at least until I can figure out how to escape the destiny laid before me.
A different tension strains my muscles, and I know the perfect way to get rid of it. My phone burns in my back pocket, so I place my helmet in the closet, then shed my T-shirt. With a leaping flop onto my back, I land on the soft rust-colored corduroy comforter, my head on the black-cased pillow, and the screen ready right in front of my face.
Have I watched this twenty, okay, fifty times? Yeah. Is my dick raw? Yes.
