Page 102 of Oath of War
I know what you’d be saying to me now, Kat. That it was worth it, that we finally have a chance.It was true, and I would’ve happily sacrificed myself for it, but why did she have to pay the price instead?
My thoughts were a jumbled mess, not helped by exhaustion and alcohol, but in my mind’s eye, I saw Katja wearing the scowl she reserved for whenever she thought I was being too hard on myself.
Yeah, I know. I should get my arse in gear and see it through until the end ... I just need time, just a little more time.
The alcohol burned in my stomach, but it couldn’t fill the emptiness I felt inside. ‘Fuck! I’m not made of stone, alright? I just need time!’ I shouted, throwing the empty flask into the distance. The riders tending to their dragons turned to look at me but no one said a word.
‘Vahin,’ I cried out to my dragon, staggering across the field. A black shadow immediately descended from the sky, landing gracefully in front of me.
‘Little Flame?’ he answered, his body encircling me until I faced a wall of black scales glimmering with a faint blue glow.
‘I need you!’
A shuddered breath escaped my lips as I pressed my forehead to his neck. I could pretend for Orm’s sake, to lift morale, but my dragon knew my heart.
‘Whatever you need, I’ll give it to you. The sadness in your heart is killing me. What can I do, Little Flame?’
Vahin sounded so sincere. I was hurting him, and I considered closing our connection, but I was too selfish to go through with it.
‘I want Katja back. I want her to be alive, Vahin.’
I clenched my fists, digging my nails deep into the flesh, wishing the simple gesture could wake me from this nightmare. As his pupils narrowed to a slit, I couldn’t take it anymore, and my grief spilled out.
‘Tell me there’s something—anything—I can do to bring her back. I’ll do it. I will crawl on my knees to the Dark Mother or Veles. I will fulfil any challenge. But, please, help me bring her back.’
He was silent, just gazing at me with a singular focus, and I dropped to the ground, clutching my knees and sobbing uncontrollably. I needed more alcohol to numb the pain, or at least the blissful ignorance of unconsciousness.
‘There is no spell that can bring someone back once their body is destroyed. Even if there was, do you think Katja would want to live as a wraith ... or even worse, a spectre?’ he asked.
‘I just want her back. She didn’t deserve to die. She wasn’t even a soldier.’
The tip of a forked tongue slid over my cheek, wiping my tears away.
‘Nobody deserves to die, Little Flame, but we all do eventually. Even dragons can be killed. Katja lived by her own rules and died saving her friend. She lived a good life, and herdeath had meaning. She wouldn’t want you to mourn her like this.’
There was truth in his words, but it was a truth I didn’t want to hear.
‘Meaning? Being burned to a crisp by a fucking raróg? There’s no meaning in that. She’s fucking fertiliser for the damn grass. There wasn’t even enough left to bury.’
An angry sob escaped me as I jumped up, pushing at Vahin’s neck to escape his embrace..
‘You have your memories—the love and legacy she left behind, Little Flame,’ he said with a rumbling purr. ‘For as long as you keep her memory alive, she will never be gone.’
‘Right, do you truly believe that? Just ... never mind. Can you do your mind trick? I need this pain to go away so I can survive long enough toripthat bastard’s heart out with my bare hands.’
Vahin hissed, jerking his massive head away. I’d felt his concern all this time, but it was nothing compared to the blast of raw emotion that hit me now.
‘Tampering with your emotions didn’t end well last time. Please don’t ask this of me, Little Flame.’
‘You asked me what you could do. I told you. So please, help me,’ I insisted, clenching my jaw as Vahin’s body unfolded, releasing me. I could sense his disapproval, but moments later, a wave of calm indifference washed over me.
‘It is temporary. That’s all I’m willing to do. I’m no mage to take your feelings away, nor would I, even if you asked for it. I know it hurts. I know how much you loved her. But numbing yourself to the world is not the way.’
‘So says the dragon who hid inside his mind when the pain of losing his riders became too much to bear.’
I regretted the thought as soon as it flashed through my mind, but I couldn’t take it back.
‘You’re right. Humans aren’t the only cowards.’
