Page 21 of Shelter for Shay
“You are,” he said. “You’ve been here every step.” The words felt hollow as they left his lips.
She nodded, swallowing hard. “It doesn’t feel like enough. When I left her earlier, I kissed her forehead, like I do every time I leave her room, and she didn’t even flinch. Not a flicker of her eyes. Nothing. It’s like she’s already gone and we’re just waiting for her lungs to stop taking in oxygen and her heart to beat for the last time.”
“I wish I had words that could ease your pain.”
She took his hand and squeezed. “Being here with me helps. I honestly can’t imagine doing this with just the nurse.”
They sat in silence for a long moment. The firelight danced across her face, painting gold along the arch of her cheekbone, the slope of her nose. Her eyes were wet, but she didn’t let the tears fall. She was strong, like her mother. He’d sensed that the moment they’d met, and he admired her love and dedication. That didn’t come from obligation. That came from the heart. From the soul.
“She always told me I was her best work,” Shay whispered, voice tight. “I think I became her life project after my dad abandoned us.”
“Her letters were always about you and some of the kids at school, though never mentioning names,” he said. “She never talked much about your dad, but I once asked.”
Shay caught his gaze. “You asked her about my father?”
He nodded. “It was about the time she started writing to me about you. She’d told me about how you’d gone to college and were dating this guy she didn’t like.”
Shay rolled her eyes. “That would’ve been Tim. She hated him and my mom doesn’t hate anyone.”
“She didn’t quite put it that way, but she mentioned that he reminded her of your dad. So when I wrote her back, because it was during a long deployment and I was feeling… chatty… I asked about him. Asked what happened. Why she never remarried.”
“What did she say?” Shay shifted, tilting her head and tucking her hair behind her ears. “Because my mom won’t even discuss my father with me. She told me he snuck out in the middle of the night. Not even a goodbye. That he disappeared, never to be heard from again, except when the divorce papers showed up. Whenever I push, she always tells me we’re better off without him. That they got married because she was pregnant and sadly, he never wanted to be a father.”
“I’m sorry.” He reached out and traced her jawline with his finger. “All she told me was that he’d left. That he didn’t want to be a husband or a father and that she never looked back. That she went on with her life because she had you and she had no regrets.” He dropped his hand to his lap, shook his head, and laughed. “That’s when she started telling me that someday we should meet.”
“My mother, the matchmaker.”
“I should show you the letters someday,” Moose said. “In every single one, she left me a subtle hint that she thought we’d be perfect together.”
“Oh, good Lord,” Shay mumbled. “She always told me aboutthis guybut she never put a name to him, until that letter came.”
He frowned. “I’m not sure what to do with that.”
“Don’t take it personally.” She waved her hand. “That’s my mom trying to separate her work life from me. Maybe she felt like she could cross it with you because you were out there, somewhere, doing whatever a SEAL does. But knowing, if she ever caught wind you were in town, she’d be all over introducing us.”
“And here we are,” he said softly. “Have you ever tried to find your dad?”
“Yes and no.”
“What does that mean?”
“I love my mom, and I feel like there was so much hurt and pain there that I didn’t want to push too hard. She was always enough for me. My childhood was filled with love and joy. I never felt like not knowing my dad was a bad thing. But I have questions. It’s always there, sitting in the back of my mind. So, at one point, I asked this local private investigator if she could find out anything.”
“And?” Moose asked.
“It wasn’t a total dead end.” Shay sighed. “I have a name. Katie Donovan, the PI I hired, she found him, but he has a family and I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything with the information.”
“I can do some digging if you’d like.”
“I appreciate that, but right now, I can’t think about that,” she said. “My mom, she put everything into raising me. And now—what am I supposed to do when she’s gone?”
“What she’d want you to do,” Moose said. “You live. You remember. You carry her with you. And one day, when it’s not quite so heavy, you help someone else the way she helped us.”
Shay looked at him, gaze searching his face as if he had all the answers. “I wish I could’ve given her the one thing she wanted most from me.”
“What’s that?” Moose asked.
“To see me fall in love,” she said, blinking fast. “Get married. Have kids. All of it. While she wanted me to follow my dreams, which included travel, she also wanted to see me settle.”
